Lost in the Darkness

After A Long Respite...

2007-06-29T18:02:00.000+08:00

Its be quite a while since I posted something here...
Anyway, my mood is a bit dark today.... so...
(its not representative of my current situation...)

In the Rain -- by -Emptiness-

We sat beside the window pane, listening
To the sound of the torrential rain, falling
As we slowly sipped our tea.

It’s been so long since I’ve heard you, speaking
Those sweet promises of love forever, fading
Into the noise of the pounding rain.

Closing my eyes, I felt a raindrop, slipping
Down my parched skin, thirsting
For a touch from your crimson reds.

In the midst of the storm I heard it, dripping
As I turned down my eyes, looking

And in the watery reflection, distorted by gentle ripples
There was a haggard man,

Crying

For My Darling...

2006-06-16T14:38:00.000+08:00

From Now Until Forever

I’ve never known a love like yours
Nor thought it could be true,
But every time I kiss your lips
I feel what love can do

With auburn hair like threads of silk,
And lips sweeter than wine,
I knew my life was not in vain,
The day I made you mine.

But now and then, we have our tiffs,
That lovers always do.
I always try to act so cool,
Not knowing I’m a fool.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from these -
I must forgo my pride,
For I couldn’t live, and couldn’t breathe
Without you by my side.

Without the beating of your heart,
Without your silent breaths,
Losing my love, my guiding light,
I’d die a thousand deaths.

And never will I let you go,
Despite time’s searing sands.
No matter where, no matter when,
I’ll hold on to your hands.

For in my heart you’ll always be,
My love, my one romance,

A long interlude...

2006-06-02T09:48:00.000+08:00

As they say, those who are in a relationship hardly have time for other things...
I can vouch for this...

I hardly have time for friends, blogs, whatever, that I used to spend lots of time on... haha... I guess it's just a trade-off that many have to bear with... I wonder how those people who are in a relationship manage to have time for anything else... But I'm not complaining ;)

It's so hard to just find 1 person who can understand you, who cares for you, who is able to put up with you when you are in a bad mood and tries to cheer you up, who is willing to put aside her fear and walk with you into the unknown, who is prepared to face the consequences and troubles that being with you might have...

But I've found such a person... Though she might not say all these, explicitly, I know all too well that this is what her heart is saying all the time... And even she might not know it too...

Flight

Memories fly by,
As I gently close my eyes,
Dreaming of you.

The painful past,
A nightmare of vengeful lust,
Bounded your soul.

Shadow of fear,
Grasped hold as you dropped a tear,
You turned and ran.

That moonlit night,
Finally I stopped your flight,
And pulled you close.

Whisp’d in your ear,
That you’d never have to fear,
Be mine, my dear.

~*~*~
We’ve traveled so far, and been through so much,
Through quarrels and fights, through kisses and hugs,
And all these my dear, just strengthened our vows,
To stay true to forever, hands locked together

As we stroll into the future.

Dreams

2006-01-26T22:47:00.000+08:00

When I was young, my mum once told me,
"Son, when you grow up you'll do great things"

Like all the other children, I starting building my castle of marbled hallways,
And sumptuous feasts, up in the air where my daydreams lay.
Day by day, my towers rose, till I thought I could see,
The whole wide world from my lofty perch.
But jealousy runs, even in the impartial gods,
Who from afar sent out their clouds,
Of terror and gloom to wreck my world.
Huddled within, as lightnings flashed,
I watched on as the sturdy walls cracked,
My handcrafted dreams, of my childhood days,

Now, just a heap of trash.

Fragments of Emotions

2005-11-09T02:15:00.000+08:00

Sorrow / Anguish

Destitute -- by -Emptiness-

Teardrops rain down from the sky,
As he tries to drown himself in wine.
Once life was his own design,
Now he see he then was blind.

Living Memories -- by -Emptiness-

Again the moon was veiled by the clouds.

As we walked along the beach tonight,
I squinted as I tried to trace,
The trails our footprints made last night,
Weaving through the scattered rocks.

But tonight, there is only one.

Strolling beside, I led you along,
As we walk the same old path tonight.
Though my throat is sore, from a sleepless night of tears,
Just like the day before, we shouted my vows into the ocean

But tonight, there is only one.

As the dawn began to break,
We turned towards the rising sun,
A blissful picture of a pair of
Silhouettes gazing into the sunrise.

But today, there is only one.

Hopeful / Joyous

Wishing Well -- by -Emptiness-

In each of our hearts, there is a well,
Where we toss our little pennies,
Of hopes and dreams wishing
Our dreams will come true.

Once too I used to toss little pennies,
Of sweet dreams and high hopes.
But I've since sealed my wishing well,
The day I found you.

Just a few poems in my hp =)

Anyway, it has been a hectic term... tuition, tutorials, blah blah... and it's coming to an end already! Never thought half a year would speed by so quickly... It's much like a passing dream... But I'm throughly enjoying every moment of it... To all you out there who's starting to get stressed by exams... don't fret! It'll all be over in just awhile... And we can all heave a sigh of relief =) Just a few more days of mugging that's all =) kk... till next time then! =P

A Promise...

2005-10-07T10:12:00.000+08:00

Solitaire -- by -Emptiness-

Crossing my fingers,
I whisper a prayer,
That forever,
We'll stay a pair.

And when you're afraid,
Caught up by despair,
I promise you this,
I'll surely be there.

To be your strength,
When nobody cares.
Such that never again,
Will you play solitaire.

I wonder why I post such poems here when she doesn't come here... -_"- ...

Anyway, what's wrong with NUS? They changed the stupid academic calender, and caused me not only to miss a tutorial without knowing it... because i didn't know it, i came on the wrong week just to realise that there actually isn't any tutorial... cause I already missed it... wat the... what's wrong with those guys?

Anyway, it's been a long time since I posted anything here... Haven't had the time for much things recently... tuition, school, her, tuition, school, her... what the... I'm so busy... Reminicing on those days before I knew her, 1st sem NUS... Seems so much like a dream... the nightly supper with my supper pals... the late nights of TV / internet chat / computer games / whatever else that comes to mind... hours spent trying to draw portraits to improve my drawing... my (failed) attempt at learning japanese through reading japanese comics... Gazing blankly into the silent night at the balcony, relishing in its serenity and calm... Life seems so different now...

But it's another type of enjoyment... spending it with the one you love... but at the same time, feeling terrible when you don't get to see her... feeling you can love her forever when on good terms... feeling that you hate her when you quarrel with her... Life seems so much more dramatic now... but still, I love this, and wouldn't give it up for the world... =)

Anyway, since I have no tut now, and am free till my tuition at 1.30pm... I'll see if I can go meet her now =)... i'm drooling hehe... Took some time off to write this post... hmm... wonder if she'll kill me for that hehe... but just a few min... not even 10 =)...

Till the next time i'm free =)

A little something

2005-09-06T01:13:00.000+08:00

Though the night wind might be cold,
And the silence chills my soul,
There's a place where I can go -
In my dreams where you I hold...

A nice photo I found...

2005-09-01T02:19:00.000+08:00

A silhouette along the beach;
Our sand-crusted feet
Molding footprints side by side,
Concealed behind the veil of night.

A wave breaks on the sleeping shore;
The rushing foam we both ignore;
As our whispered vows of love,
Are whisked by cupid’s arrow to the clouds above.

Our future I see, in your teardrop eyes,
Shiny jewels that I immortalize.

Never did I guess;
In that silent moment,
I could have been blessed with
A glimpse of heaven.

Lighter moods...

2005-08-21T02:23:00.000+08:00

Hmm... I guess this blog is getting a little too moody.... so here's something I wrote while drifting away in uni lectures... not that good, but who cares? Haha... I guess many others can identify with it though....

Dozing off - by -Emptiness-

My eyes are red,
And my body aches.
All that I see,
All look like beds.

The dim white lights,
Her droning voice;
I'm drifting away,
Into a world of joys.

Why tap my arm?
Did you call my name?
Pardon me, my dear,
What were you saying again?

Authors comments: About a guy falling asleep during econs lectures, where the lecturer will actually pick on those people who are falling asleep... And his friend trying to tap him up when he realises that the lecturer has noticed his sleeping friend... You can guess who that someone falling asleep is.... haha....

One Sided Love Affair - by -Emptiness-

2005-07-26T17:49:00.000+08:00

My spirit's laid before her bare,
But does she even care?
True is my love, I can declare,
But to her I'm just a spare.

A person for her to shout and flare,
But lean on when in despair.
Her deepest thoughts she wouldn't share,
Though I've already laid mine bare.

I don't give a damn if she is fair,
So much that people turn and stare.
All I want is for her heart to swear,
That she'll love me beyond compare.

Never in my sincere prayer
Did I ask for such a mare.
How did we even end up as a pair,
In this one sided love affair.

I personally think I'm rather confused.... so just close an eye on this one...

Walking blind -- by -Emptiness-

2005-07-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

Darkness
I strain my eyes
Who put down the blinds?

Walking blind

Gingerly
Cautious steps
Someone to lead me, perhaps?

Walking blind

Outstretched
Searching hands
Who knows fate’s malicious plans?

Walking blind

Anxiety
Cold and alone
Will I emerge unscathed from the unknown?

Cruel Fate

2005-07-14T03:09:00.000+08:00

Love and Hate -- by -Emptiness-

Love and hate,
Two sides of a sharpened blade.

A blade that cuts a
Path through the tangled
Vines which guard the inner
Souls of lonely hearts.

A blade that pierces
Resilient spirits and
Leaves hearts in pieces that
Can never be fixed.

Love and hate,
The path is narrow and never straight.

A rugged path full
Of excitement and
Pleasure to the
Senses for virgin hikers.

A rugged path, with
Dangers lurking ready
To pounce upon
Unsuspecting adventurers.

Love and hate,
Tied together by a cruel twist of fate.
Dangling it’s pleasures before you like a bait,
You’ll never know it until it’s too late.

Assorted Poems

2005-07-11T14:45:00.000+08:00

Depths of Time -- by -Emptiness-

Oh angel of mine,
We both are one of a kind.
Hurt and forsaken,
For granted we've both been taken.
But wallow not in the past,
For the pain's just temporal and won't last.
Cause I'm here now to hold you tight,
Throughout the cold and lonely night.

I'll bury all these hurts of thine,
Deep in the depths of time.

Witnessed -- by -Emptiness-

Under the moonlit night,
Cuddled with my life's delight.
Whispering our vows of love,
Witnessed by the heavens above.

Lady in Red -- by -Emptiness-

Oh lady in red,
Why are you sad?
It was your choice,
To play with his heart.

Oh lady in red,
Why do you cry?
It was your words,
That tore up his heart.

Oh lady in red,
Why do you care?
You brushed him aside,
And left him for dead.

Oh lady in red,
Why do you fear?
You shelter and strength,
You despised and maimed.

Oh lady in red,
Why do you scream?

It's all in the past,
Now just a dream.

Secret Garden....

2005-07-10T22:29:00.000+08:00

I Realise -- by -Emptiness-

Is it really just a year or two?
It seems so long since we’ve been through.
The hours which then used to fly,
The rules of time they now defy.

The joy of life, gone with the night,
With escape nowhere near in sight.
The colors which then lit my world,
With my heart, eloped with my girl.

How could we have turned out so?
Two hearts so close, but now so cold.
The passion of love, I felt that July,
Now replaced by the cold wind’s sigh.

Gazing at the fallen snow,
I realize that I miss her so.

Wasn't really in the mood for poetry today... at first, just logged on to see who's online... then saw someone's nick "I miss him so"... At that time, I was listening to Secret Garden... 'Song from a Secret Garden'... And I knew I just had to write a poem...

Cough cough...

2005-07-04T02:01:00.000+08:00

Damn... my whole body hurts... Been coughing for a week exactly now... started last sunday with a bad sore throat I noticed while giving tuition... now, coughing so badly that I'm having headaches, stomach crams, toothaches, hunger pangs... all due to this coughing... Didn't know coughing could be this bad... Reminds me of the time I got pneumonia during my BMT days... super super sianz... It's not that bad yet... but I've absolutely no intention of letting it progress to such a stage... Help! Someone!

Worse of all, not only am I affected, my dad is affected too... coughing so loudly he can't sleep properly too.... -_"- ...

Not my fault hor....

Stupid weather.... Blame it all on the weather... =P

Reflections under the moonlight

2005-06-16T22:56:00.000+08:00

Night

A time when everything suddenly hits you.

"What am I doing here?"
"What's the meaning of life?"
"What am I living for?"

Lots of questions, no answers. We're just insignificant, wandering souls, going about with our own agendas, of which is probably questionable.

"I want to be rich! I want to earn lots of money! I also want to get a good job, have a sense of achievement, be recognised and famous."

And then? You'll buy a big car, a big house, eat expensive food, go on long holidays, and at the end of the day, have a really big, elaborate funeral, where a lot of people come to pay their last respects.

But you are already dead.

"I want to experience life, it's thrills and excitement. I want to see places, explore the frontiers of space."

And then? So what? After you've seen them, does it make a difference? Enriched your life did you say? Ahuh... It's just memories of the past. That's all it will be. At the end of the day you'll join those before you buried 6 feet underground. Or have your ashes stored in a little shelf somewhere around Mt. Vernon.

"I want to have a stable, close knitted, loving family, with a dotting husband / devoted wife, and lots of adorable kids."

Considering how fragile human relationships are, how long can it last for? Today lovers, tomorrow enemies. And even if you manage to do what 99% of the people fail to do, and pull off this stunt, 40-50 years down the road, someone will have to go. So much for your happy family. Pain is all that is left. Pain and happy memories, which will bring only more pain when you dwell back on them.

Wow. What a beautiful picture. Meaningless.

So what are we living for? I scan the stars in search of an answer. And this thought sure does serve a terrifying purpose of destroying any shred of happiness...

Some poem I wrote...

2005-06-07T21:59:00.000+08:00

Fallen Angel -- by -Emptiness-

Oh my angel, how you have fallen from grace,
Cast down from the heavens, from your rightful place.
Your innocence lost, that can never be replaced,
Given for a chance at love, that has gone to waste.

Oh my angel, how you have been mislead,
By the beautiful lies that, to you he has fed.
Have you yet to see through the web of deceit he shed,
Or are you just grabbing hold to love’s last feeble thread?

Oh my angel, how you have lost your faith,
Betrayed and forsaken by a heartless knave.
Your heart he buried, in a nameless grave,
Lost forever, where no one can save.

Oh my angel, how you have been tormented,
By his cruel words, that left you devastated.
Every night you roamed the streets, lost and defeated,
Like a penniless bankrupt, who has just been evicted.

Oh my angel, how you have cried in pain,
Wondering why you have given all, but all in vain.
You’ve tried your best, to wash off this stain,
But still have yet to cast off this chain.

Oh my angel, how your tears have dried,
The streams that you thought, would never subside.
His hold on you, finally thrown aside,
No longer do you need to run and hide.

Oh my angel, how you have stood again,
Like the flower which blossoms after the rain.
Emerging unscathed, from the blazing flame,
Hardened, strengthened, no longer the same.

Oh my angel, how you have been changed,
Your innocence, for reality, has been exchanged.
Barred from the heavens, for which you once campaigned,
Accepting that some things in life, are just preordained.

Who will defend us?

2005-05-29T17:51:00.000+08:00

Left right left right left right.....

After going 'AWOL' for just more than a year, the army has finally got it's butt to dragging me back into camp... So much for my little holiday... 5 days of hell again I guess (300505 to 030605)-- grumpy cooks, flustered sergeants, retarded officers, substandard food, brainless activities.... ya.... I have to agree that our army one of the best, if not the best in Asia... Walking around the little 'jungles' of Singapore, no bigger than our own mandai zoo, with heavy packs, and dummy rifles, talking in gibberish code on the army's version of the hand phone, which is about 100 times the weight (10kg++) of our commericial handphones... Ya... Our army is the most efficient... no doubt about it...

Reminds me about the other time I got dragged back to camp.... for a one day event... went there and guess what we did... 'bonding sessions' with the rest of the guys, whom I have been around thru my army life... for the entire day!.... gimme a break dude... I've spent 2 1/2 years in forced bondage to the army, and after which, have tried so darn hard to unbond myself... We went there and played ice breaker games, listen to some old folk with a few insignias on his shoulder tell us about life as a reservist, trying to make it sound as if it is such an exciting milestone in our lives, to be able to give of our lives to the army, to Singapore...

Just another thought... reminds me of those silly army adverts you see on tv... 'who will defend us?.... they are our army...' oh please... Anyone who has been thru NS will know that that is just a bunch of bull... the army has enough problems trying to protect itself from itself... Before we even set of for a mission, the entire sick bay, or medical center, as they call it, will be filled to the brim with enthusiastic personnel awaiting some form of excuse from training, be it sprained leg, tummy aches, sore eyes, back ache, or the most common 'not feeling well'... Before we even set one foot off camp, our numbers will be down to half our original size... Not only that, the army has no lack of overzealous, 'garang' officers, who have more brawn than brains.... 'Charge charge!!!!' and after around 10mins of running like bunnies in the heat, he finally realised that...

We are lost.... -_"-

And worst of it all, is that he doesn't admit it... Saying... 'Just follow our course... we'll link back to the main group in no time.... ya right... idiot... next thing we know, we're beside some road at the bus stop, looking at the map again to try and figure out where we are...

Anyway, pray that I don't lose whatever brains I've managed to gather back from that 2 1/2 year stint in there.... I really do need my 'A's... 3rd June quickly come....

Alcoholic Inspiration...

2005-05-23T10:09:00.000+08:00

Yy says that alcohol is supposed to give u inspiration... so I guess this is my little experiment... However, I don't think this makes much sense or has much link... Feeling a little tipsy from the alchohol... Hope it is still readable and understandable....

What is love? -- by -Emptiness-

What truly is love?
Is it really something divine that comes from above?
Why then does it hurt so badly?
So badly I haven’t slept at all lately?

What truly is love?
Beautifully packaged lies are all that I observe.
Have we really been deceived,
By those stories of selfless sacrifices we’ve believed?

What truly is love?
Is it really pure and innocent like a dove?
From all that I’ve seen,
It’s just lust and desires disguised, perverted and obscene.

What truly is love?
Is it the biological stimulation of some cranial nerve?
Why then is the pain I feel,
Alike to my heart being pierced by cold hard steel?

What truly is love?
Is there really a flawless love that gives without reserve?
Humanly impossible,
Is it all really just a bedtime fable?

It's the Hols!

2005-05-12T00:53:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... quite sometime since I posted a non-poem post here.... So it's time to bring an end to the drought of ramblings....

Exams are finally over... and this sem, I'm screwed big time... Expected cap for this sem would be around 3.5-3.8... Macroecons couldn't finish, Microecons so so, some parts can't finish too, social work, not exactly well prepared, computing studies, lost 10 marks before the exam even started due to not participating in some stupid forum, and lastly, econometrics, 1 question screwed up cause i dunno how to do... Sigh.... So different from last sem, which was such a breeze... Anyway, more importantly, I'm finally free! For around 3 months at least... Minus the 1 week of incamp SAF reserves training...

I look at myself in the mirror and wonder in amazement at what one year of slacking can do to your body... Whatever little muscle I had, now is tucked away somewhere.... can't be under fat, since I've lost weight since my NS days.... (amazingly)... I think they just decided to go AWOL on me... other than the 6 lumps on my abs, which have decided to unite together to form one big lump.... -_"- To salvage the situation, I've decided to implement night runs... and wow... before I even hit 1 km, I'm panting like there's no tomorrow.... This is pretty serious... considering my in camp training is like just 3 weeks away.... In fact, less than that -_"- Anyway, I don't know whether to hate or love my night jogs... Running from my place to Pandan Resevoir is so painstakingly slow, tiring, and "breath-taking" (literally) given my fitness level, but when I finally reach there, the view is absolutely breath-taking. The cool breeze in my face, the divine peace and quiet, with only the sound of the soft splashing of the water on the rocks, really makes my run worthwhile, totally....

Isn't it amazing how we look forward so much to holidays, only to realise, once it is the hols, that you so much want it to be school term as you are dead bored? I've got 3 months on my hands and I dun even know what to do with them.... Went down to job agency with px and yy to find something to kill off my 3 months 3 days ago, and have yet to receive any call of any kind.... Boredom is totally dreadful.... Anyway, guess what... Who could have believed that someone would name his recruitment agency "Cheeze(something)" Goodness! What kind of name is that? what's worse, when we went in there, it seems more like a private space than a recruitment agency... The guy even keeps a pet something, i think some sort of ferret or rodent, that I never seen before, bigger than a hamster, smaller than a rabbit in his "meeting room".

Lemme see what else vain stuff I can write about here...

Hmmm....

2005-05-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

A poem I wrote to suan my friend

VTEC -- By -Emptiness-

What’s with SIR?
It is just another car.
What about VTEC?
Can it give you a high like crack?

The century sprint,
Under seven point eight?
At the traffic light,
For my Sunny you will wait.

So what’s the big deal,
About fast cars with hot looks?
I’d rather lie in the field,
With a sweet girl with good looks.

Very dark poem....

2005-04-17T23:12:00.000+08:00

Guess that exams just make me in the mood for really dark poetry....

Disclaimer:
Don't blame me if your cheery mood gets spoiled after reading this poem....
You have been warned....

Living on Borrowed Time -- By -Emptiness-

Countless stories, are left untold,
As homeless orphans, perish in the cold.
Countless candles, have flickered and died,
As sickly patients, give up their will to fight.

Countless dreams, have faded to naught,
As young soldiers, by Death’s scythe are caught.
Countless journeys, all left uncompleted --
Destroyed in an instant as they were created.

Pity them,
These poor souls.
They hadn’t the chance,
To experience life whole.

Shower them,
With compassion and love.
A bit of care,
Is the least they deserve.

But spare a moment,
And look into the mirror.
Take time to consider,
And it will all become clearer.

For what is the difference,
Between us and them?
From the very beginning,
We were all condemned.

Peacefully or painfully,
Seventeen, or seventy,
We’ll all turn to dust,
The day we breathe our last,

And after which,
We’ll all be the same.
An urn of dust --
Just another name.

Ever wondered why,
We have to suffer so much?
And asked yourself why,
We were fated to perish as such?

It’s as if we have all,
Committed heinous crimes,
And like death-row convicts,
Are living on borrowed time.

I wonder....

2005-04-08T20:00:00.000+08:00

I suddenly had a thought....

How would it be, say, a year from now, when I view my blog, and decide to view the archives? How different would it be then? Would my new entries sound like my past entries? Would they evolve around the same issues? What would be my mindset then? What would be my worries and concerns then? Would my entries be as dark as what they are now?

Would I read the past entries with a sense of bewilderment, wondering whether it is the same person that wrote those entries, wondering, "Is that really me one year ago," with a quizzical look on my face? Maybe I'd be asking myself, "How come I was so silly then? How come I was so immature, so illogical?" Time passes, situations differ, people change...

So many questions....

Life is so unpredictable...

Loved ones...

2005-04-08T19:52:00.000+08:00

"What's the difference between a loving someone, and being in love with someone?

If you receive a call at 3am in the morning, the last person you would want to hear would be your loved one. However, the one you are in love with would be the first you want to hear."

Something I read from a book in the lib...

Fate...

2005-04-03T21:10:00.000+08:00

Fate has a funny way of screwing me from behind... What I fear most, what I dislike most, what I want to avoid most, fate has a sadistic way of throwing all these things at me, making things happen to me that I try to avoid throughout my life... It seems that it gains pleasure form seeing me in pain, from seeing my heart being torn into pieces... Doesn't it have some other hobbie to keep it occupied? Shit...

I hate fate.

On a lighter note, though I woke up today feelin' damn sian.... I'm feeling a lot better already... Nothing a bit of reckless driving can't cure, as they say... Should have driven faster though....

Death

2005-04-01T19:01:00.000+08:00

Death -- by -Emptiness-

My vision grows dim,
I'm drowning though I can swim.
Time has seemed to stop,
Even in seeking death, am I an utter flop?

Should I start to swim?
It'll be too late when they gather around me singing hymns.
Or should I just wait?
Soon I'll be at the pearly gate.

I'm simply tired,
In life, too much have I been hurt.
I want to end this constant fall,
And death it seems, is the solution to it all.

But memories of the past,
Of the happy times that have passed,
And the people I'm leaving behind,
Are holding me back, screaming in my mind.

The burning feeling in my chest --
The scream for air that will never rest,
Is urging me to swim out of this grave.
It seems I'm bonded to life like I'm a slave.

Should I save myself?
Or should I drown myself?
Death, or this living hell?
Only time can tell.

P.S. Deeper meanings...

True Love

2005-03-31T11:32:00.000+08:00

What is true love?
A mutual feeling that lifts you to the clouds above?
I'm sorry, no.
Let me teach you, that you may know.

True love is about being misunderstood,
Though all you do is for her good.
Sorely hated by the one you love,
Enduring pain you don't deserve.

Without complaint,
You suffer silently in pain.
And suppress your utmost desire,
To run to her and confess that you're a liar.

And pretend that you,
Are not hurt when you say 'adieu'.
When deep inside,
The downpour of tears have yet to subside.

I admit that I can't do this,
This love is too painful to exist.
But I can say that what I gave is close to it,
And already, it feels like with a knife, my wrist I slit.

Delusion

2005-03-29T21:12:00.000+08:00

Last Dance -- By -Emptiness-

His longing eyes,
Scanned the misty hall,
Till they stumbled upon,
His lovely doll.

Behold, she stood,
Alone in the crowd,
Her vision transfixed,
Upon him throughout.

Electrifying,
An intense gaze.
Unbridled passion,
Their eyes portray.

The music faded,
The crowd, no more.
The bustling hall,
To them, an empty floor.

Without a word,
He raised his arm.
And stood there waiting,
For her to come.

Captivated,
By his azure eyes.
She gracefully approached,
Her desires disguised.

He took her hand,
And pull her close.
And in the silence,
They assumed their pose.

Then, as if,
By an unspoken cue,
They moved as one,
With pristine skill.

A slow waltz,
As they graced the floor.
Obsessed by the other,
Ignorant to all.

But slowly their dance,
Picked up in pace.
A brisk canter,
Then a frantic race.

They could sense,
The fading night.
The inevitable,
Arrival of light.

The crimson glow,
Crept into the room.
Gradually, she faded,
By light consumed.

The crowded hall,
Now empty and still.
He stood there alone,
Feeling unfulfilled.

How long can lies,
Lead you astray?
How can dreams withstand,
The coming of day?

How long can one,
Live in delusion?
Though the truth hurts,
It’s the only solution.

For how long can someone lie to himself? Maybe the best way is to realise the truth, and accept it... It might be painful.... But the pain is short lived... However, for some people, the pain is too much to bear... That's the curse of the emotional people...

Bubbles will burst,
Dreams will shatter.
Prepare for the worst,
And do not falter.

Sluggish

2005-03-29T14:28:00.000+08:00

Is it just me?

I don't get it... Exams are just round the corner, and here I am, with an entire free day, slacking in front of my computer! Don't I have to do some sort of preparation for the exams? But what should I do to prepare? Read the readings for social work? Actually start to listen to the countless computing studies webcasts that I've missed? Or get my ass down to the central library to borrow some economics textbooks to catch up on the stuff I missed when I pon my economics lectures? I can think of so many ways to start studying, but the problem is, my legs are rather slackish now... No strength to get up from my seat.... -_"-

Help me someone! I need to at least start studying!

痛

2005-03-26T21:12:00.000+08:00

痛。。。
真得很痛。。。

我的心碎，
谁能体会？
心给了，收不回。
睡醒了，梦就毁。

失恋的世界，
我总于了解。
爱情就象毒品，
上瘾了怎能戒？

Sunset...

2005-03-26T18:07:00.000+08:00

More Lyrics...

黄昏

过完整个夏天
忧伤并没有好一些
开车行驶在公路无际无边
有离开自己的感觉
唱不完一首歌
疲倦还剩下黑眼圈
感情的世界伤害在所难免
黄昏再美终要黑夜
依然记得从你口中说出再见坚决如铁
昏暗中有种烈日灼身的错觉
黄昏的地平线
划出一句离别
爱情进入永夜
依然记得从你眼中滑落的泪伤心欲绝
混乱中有种热泪烧伤的错觉
黄昏的地平线
割断幸福喜悦
相爱已经幻灭

TMS: Temporary Mood Swing

2005-03-24T08:35:00.000+08:00

You've heard of PMS....
But I bet you haven't heard of TMS....
Temporary Mood Swing / Terribly Moody Syndrome
If you know me well enough, you should know that this is the perfect period for me to compose poems... And here's another one I just composed...

Living Death -- by -Emptiness-

Once again,
I'm in a downward spiral.
How I wish,
This pain is just temporal.

With closed eyes,
I try to escape into my dreams.
But I can't,
As sleep eludes me, or so it seems.

Is this how,
I am to pass the rest of my days?
Living death,
Like a zombie in a mindless daze?

Colours,
Sounds.
Where are these,
When I am down?

Pearls,
Seashells.
When will I be saved,
From this living hell.

And you know what?
TMS = Torturing Me Slowly

Love, from the perspective of a gal...

2005-03-21T18:31:00.000+08:00

When You Talk -- by -Emptiness-

I love it when you talk to me.
Cause when you do, I’m light and free.
Just like a leaf, dancing in the breeze,
That how I feel, when you laugh and tease.

And just like a ship caught in a storm,
When you are here, the gale transforms.
My worried heart you still and calm,
When you’re holding my hand in your palm.

Oh, what I’d give, to be with you,
To hear your voice, whispering my name.
Though we might be, distant and far,
My heart’s with you, as always, the same.

I keep writing poems from the perspective of a guy.... so this time, its different... its an attempt to look through the glass from the other side =) Any comments? haha... Anyway, some chinese lyrics that are really meaningful... Its currently my fav song =)

我知道你很难过

爱一个人
需要缘分
你何苦让自己
越陷越深
别傻得用你的天真去碰触不安的灵魂
每一天只能痴痴的等
爱一个人别太认真
你受伤的眼神令人心痛
没有一个人
非要另一个人
才能过一生
你又何苦逼自己
面对伤痕
我知道你很难过
感情的付出不是真心就会有结果
别问怎么做爱才能长久
这道理有一天你会懂
我知道你很难过昨天是恋人
今天说分说就分手
别问你的痛
要怎么解脱
多情的人注定伤得比较久
爱若变成了刺
思念也成了痴
也许心碎是爱情最美的样子

Almost over!

2005-03-17T18:06:00.000+08:00

Muahahaha.... 3 mid term tests and 1 SW term paper down... only left 1 CS proj to do.... =) Looks like I might actually make it through this sem alive after all... haha...

Anyway, what the hack is the problem with SMRT anyway? I've been trying to refund my ezlink card for ages.... and everytime I go to the ticketing counter, there is always the same sign there.... "Due to some technical difficulties, the following services are temporarily unavailable", and one of them is "Refund of Ez-link card".... what the?!? Not only one ticketing office... Tiong Bahru like that, Clementi like that... Redhill even worse -- Closed... And I thought privatisation was supposed to give us better service... Not to mention the constant hikes in SMRT fares, as well as the new EZ-link rip off... unrefundable 5 bucks for a stupid card... Hello?!?!? Where is our consumer rights?!? I wish this was America... someone will be sueing them by now.... =)

Speaking of America... Never been there before... I really wonder how it is like there... Must be really great... Cheap cars, even cheaper petrol, long windy roads.... Super sized fast food value meals... My kind of heaven I would say... And I heard the uni life there is also rather slack... except for Cornell, or that's what James says anyway...

"Cornell is a "shut up and do your work, I don't care if you fail or die" place."

Life's too short to be worrying and studying...

Overgrown Kid...

2005-03-12T15:43:00.000+08:00

Brain : "I shall pollute the water supply with this DNAdefibuliser, turning everyone into mindless slaves."
Pinky : "What about the people who drink bottled water?"
Brain : "Pinky, people who pay 5 dollars for a bottle of water are already mindless slaves."

The reason why up till date, I still watch cartoons =)

A poem a day, keeps the doctor away...

2005-03-11T21:12:00.000+08:00

Shattered -- by -Emptiness-

My heart you beguiled,
With your smile and laughter,
And then you shattered,
Like a porcelain platter.

How could I not have seen,
That to you I’m just a toy?
Was I so deprived of love,
That I couldn’t see through your ploy?

You hang up the phone,
‘Friend just called’, you say.
Like a book tossed aside,
Is this how I’m to pass my days?

Never had I known,
That I was such a bore.
Talking to me the phone,
Is it really such a chore?

Or do you just hate me,
And can’t wait to break me apart?
Here lies my joy and glee,
Shattered like my broken heart.

Disclaimer: Something I wrote a long long time ago, just that I never posted it, so it is absolutely not reflective of my feelings / situation now.... Just that I really like this poem... Especially the last 2 line.... would be a waste not to share it... =)

Last mid-term exam...

2005-03-07T01:28:00.000+08:00

Macroeconomics...

The last mid-term....

Deck Analysis

2005-03-05T19:49:00.000+08:00

1 last mid-term, before the flurry to get my CS project and SW1101E term paper done... Hope I can pass this one... I just pon-ed his make-up lecture today... The lecture was supposed to prepare us for the mid-term test... Went there, and there were no seats, so just decided to adjurn to the canteen for some 'mum mum' aka, food... maybe partly cause I was half an hour late... haha... but nonetheless, I think I'm screwed... again...

On a lighter note, I think the claypot stall is not bad after all... Had stir fried black pepper beef with rice for lunch... $2.30, and I asked for additional rice... so its reasonably good, and value for money =) I think I've been patronizing the Chinese Zi Cha stall side a bit too much, or in particular, that stall itself... Too much such that I didn't give myself the opportunity to try stalls at the other end... I shall make ammends to this.. =) As a food connoisseur, I have a duty to try all the food before making my judgements on them.... *sigh*... what a heavy responsibility... That means I gotta try the chao guo tiao stall too.... and I seriously doubt it taste good.... if it were good, there would be a long long queue during lunch, but I have yet to seen that queue materialise...

Anyway, a poem inspired by a true story... life's full of tragedies... so sad... Think I'll extend this poem at a later date... too short, but what the hack... not in much of a mood for poetry today...

Irony -- by -Emptiness-

Our story is done,
Before it even begun...

I lean on my chair,
Wishing I could be there.
To be by her side,
Throughout the coming night.

But it is not to be,
As no love can have three.
I can only watch,
As flames around me scorch.

I try to look unfazed,
As I see their tight embrace.
But deep inside it hurts,
A pain that slowly subverts.

If who she loves is him,
Away from her I'll limp.

But I can't,
As ironically,
Who she loves,
Is me.

First!

2005-03-03T01:58:00.000+08:00

If only there was a direct co-relation between speed of finishing a exam paper, and the marks you get...

I just had my EC2303 mid term earlier today, and lo and behold, I was the first person in the entire cohort to hand in the paper! muahahaha... contrary to what most people would believe, that the test was too easy for me hence I was able to finish in such a quick time, the truth is, I don't know why I finished so fast... How come all around me people still doing? I mean, there are things that if you don't know, wasting more time thinking about it wouldn't help you to get it right... just tikam! Don't think so much =) We all only have so much grey-cells (brain matter) to waste away in the span of our short stay on this planet... don't waste it on such trivial things... =P

Anyway, that means I only have 1 mid term left, and 2 projs, one of which is individual, to hand up by the middle of this month.... around there anyway.... *sigh*.... still so much... I kinda miss last sem... Seems so much more slack... Maybe its just me and my time allocation... -_"-... Its not the same anymore...

EC2101

2005-02-28T21:04:00.000+08:00

EC2101 exam just over... I don't think I'm going to make it after all... Even though its all mcq... If I make it through, it will be solely due to the blatent in-depth discussion I was having with Jac throughout the exam... We don't copy, btw... =P

Sitting in the library,
I wonder how my life would be.
The exam vivid in my mind,
I know this sem, I'm going to die...

Oh my....

2005-02-28T01:29:00.000+08:00

This is serious....
Very serious....
At 10am today, I will be having my microecons mid term.... and I haven't studied at all for it.... I know nutz about it!!! help! I think I'm going to die this sem... my cap will finally realise that what goes up, must come down.... dope....

When you are at the peak,
Gingerly look down and take a peek,
And brace yourself for the fall,
The inevitable that ends it all...

Screwed...

Distracted....

2005-02-25T17:52:00.000+08:00

Lemme see.... Its already friday, officially the end of the one week holidays.... and what have I done? Erm.... quite simple actually... nothing... haha... crap...

Brief summary of my situation...
-Got 3 mid term test coming up next week
-Got 2 proj due within 2-3 weeks time (SW1101E and CS1105)
-Unintentionally pon 2 tuts this sem
-Have absolutely no clue what is going on for EC2303
-Final exams are just around the corner....

--> Basically, I'm screwed....

Help!

I close my eyes,
And look to the sky.
Whispering a prayer,
That one day, we'd be a pair.

Another late nite

2005-02-25T02:53:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... this bad habit of mine is getting out of hand... sleeping so late... -_"-... At least I know that just across the road, there is a relatively good zi1 cha1 stall that opens till damn late... Just ate my supper cum dinner there earlier at like 11pm.... i'm going nutz.... At least the hong kong mee was quite good.... and gave alot for 3 bucks too =)

Side issue: My transportation expenditure has shot up by 300++%!!!! help!!!! I need the ezlink concession unlimited bus rides thingy! To Px: I went to Buona Vista MRT to do just that earlier today, and the office has permanently closed down!!! crap! Gotta make another trip tomolo to Jurong East or Tiong Bahru MRT just to get it done.... sigh.... Why didn't I apply for it when I enrolled? dope....

Mental block

2005-02-24T01:23:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... no inspiration today to blog.... so just a poem i wrote for xin before she left to go overseas... hope she comes back soon... long long time never see her liao.... kinda find it hard to recall how she looks like liao... -_"-...

Goodbye -- by -Emptiness-

Walking down the stairs,
With sorrow in her heart.
Trying to put up airs,
But she’s falling apart.

She tries to be all smiles,
But her tears still roll down.
Meters seem like miles,
She longs to turn around.

But still she walks along,
Her distress well suppressed.
She knows she must be strong,
It is all for the best.

For it’s just a short stint,
To see the world through her lens,
On her mind will imprint,
Fond memories of future friends,

In no time she’ll return,
To all that she now eyes.
Though her heart still does yearn,
For that special person’s goodbye.

Holidays...

2005-02-22T07:42:00.000+08:00

Its already 2nd day of the holiday week! argh! And I've yet to do any substantial amount of homework... (I wrote 2 draft paragraphs for my Social Work Term Paper yesterday... That's all the work I've done...) I think I'm in big trouble... Lemme list down what I've gotta do...

Social Work Term Paper -- 10 pages report
Computing Studies Project -- 16 pages report (group work)
Study for economics mid term.... Not too sure how many mods of economics got mid term.... Jac!!! help me!!! -_-"

I've come to the realisation that I'm just living for the day... as in, not planning for tomorrow... If I were, I'd have done all these projects, and studied for my econs mid term papers.... which I have a funny feeling is 3 papers... Ouch....

But what can I do in the brief interludes I have between periods of comatose? (Comatose of the mind from work... ie not only sleep). The world seems a bit funny today anyway... Seems a bit too surreal... Or maybe its just my mind breaking down from a severe lack of sleep....

Oh... anyway, try this... close one eye of yours, and take note of the color of your ceiling, or any other thing in particular... then close this eye, and open the other and do the same... I think if you have astigmatism, you'd notice that the colors are different... as in the general hue... So, in my case, with my left eye, the world around is more reddish than with my right, which is more bluey... So, if I want to be more cheery, I reckon I just have to close my right eye for the day.... red is a color of exuberant energy and life right? With the blue, everything looks kinda dreary...

Storm -- by -Emptiness-

The howling winds are strong,
I see the coming storm.
The birds have scattered, all,
But still I'm standing tall.

This is a storm from which,
I cannot even twitch.
I've got to face it on,
Until the storm is gone.

For only then will I,
Be able to feast my eyes,
On the thing I treasure most,
A new dawn from the coast.

By request....

2005-02-18T10:10:00.000+08:00

Hmm.... ok... I'm posting this for 1 person only....
the person who says i've not been blogging recently....
must make u feel...

Guilty

Haha... Nah lah... It is true that I've not been blogging here for quite sometime already... dope... Looking quite stale.... but I mean, if I can't even find time to settle my eye bags problem, due to the recent lack of sleep, how am I supposed to blog about anything? FYI, I slept for just 4hrs 30min yesterday night.... And what were you doing online at 2:20am anyway? (to the person this blog entry is written for)

For all those who are wondering what is going on, its just been an interesting past few days / weeks / watever that I've been experiencing... My life is becoming like one of them drama serials.... not too good, considering the fact that I'm supposed to be studying.... when your life becomes so dramatic, you can't really study anything whatsoever.... And empirically it is proven... Didn't do tutorial work for 4 of the 5 tutorials I was supposed to go for yesterday.... Notice why I said supposed to go for.... I was so sleep deprived that I mixed up my tutorial timing for one of my econs tuts... namely EC2303, by the uncle who has the bottomless cup of kopi... I remembered the timing wrongly, and when I realised it, I already missed 40min out of a 45min tutorial.... -_-"

Anyway, for completeness sake, a poem I just composed only.... As in like 5 min ago....

Am I? -- by -Emptiness-

Am I too reserved,
That she can't see my heart?
Am I too concerned,
Just that she can't see that part?

Am I too restrained,
Afraid to freak her out?
Or am I just too stained,
By memories from my past?

Am I too naive,
To think her heart I've caught?
Or am I just deceived,
By my own whispering thoughts?

Disclaimer: This poem is not an accurate reflection of what I'm going through now... So don't think too much about it....

First Poem I ever wrote....

2005-02-10T04:47:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... looks like I haven't been posting anything on my blog for quite some time.... lets just say that I have been writing so much, but I can't post it up here -_-"...

Anyway, since its already almost 5 am.... I'll just post a poem I wrote sometime ago, to make up for all the unmaterialised posts that I feel I have obligation to put up.... No time to write... Will find some time to do so....

Emptiness -- by -Emptiness-

Sometimes, in the midst of friends,
A wall there is, sturdy and tall.
All around me it extends;
And none can hear my desperate call.

Imprisoned in this blank void,
A lonesome place, none can enter,
A vacuum null and devoid,
Of contentment, joy and laughter.

In vain I try to breakout,
Pounding the walls, my hands bleed – both,
Until tired and worn out,
In great anguish, I swore an oath:

That my life won’t be so dull --
All around me are just smiles.

Outwardly I joked with them,
Yet deep inside, a loneliness,
That I hide away from them,
As none can grasp, this emptiness.

Trying to veil this feeling,
I hear how strange my laughter sounds,
As if someone is moving
My lips my hands, my body he bounds.

Like a puppet tied to thread,
I dance only, to entertain,
No words escape, no tears I shed,
Though all I want -- to cry in pain,

That my life can be so dull
Even though around me are just smiles.

To whom can I relate to?
To share my heart’s, deepest corner.
Or am I condemned now too?
Just because I am a sinner?

To walk this endless road alone,
With just myself as company,
Through the expanse, the unknown,
Reciting Buddhist litany?

Around me now the world seems,
Like a facade -- artificial.
Where people don masks and scheme,
Resembling a drama serial.

Actors with faces concealed,
Live their own lives, hiding in veils
Secrets yet to be revealed,
Feigning concern, uncannily real.

Angels they pretend to be,
Troubled spirits, advice they give,
All of which cannot help me,
Just an act for, people to see.

Unless truly can you feed,
My troubled heart, just let me be,
Worthless advice, I have no need,
To lonely places, I want to flee.

At times like this you realize,
That most, even in your greatest need,
Still hide behind white lies,
All oblivious to your plead.

My life is so dull because
All around me are just snarls.

Now you know why I chose my nick as emptiness? haha....

First Time!

2005-02-02T20:29:00.000+08:00

Hmm.... I've been to malaysia many times already, whether with family, or with friends... But up till yesterday night, I've never drove there, as in, I am the driver. All along, either my dad would drive me there, or mk would drive me there... So, finally! I got to drive a car on malaysian roads! hahaha....

I'm supposed to be P-banned from driving right? Hmm.... I guess after telling my dad about JB petrol, he just had to let me go and help him pump petrol =) So, yesterday, Mk drove his civic, while I drove my dad's sunny, and both of us, together with rich, went to eat Ramly burger again.... Cheap, good food... =)

Along the way back, we played with some proton, with a damn loud exhaust... Actually, its more like Mk and the proton guy was playing... Though I floored the accelerator, in like 2-3 seconds, mk and the proton were like.... wow.... where are they?!?!? goodness.... And rich was in mk's car... Looks like the only place where I actually have a chance of keeping up with people is on kckw =)... But, after my last experience with cornering, I think i'll cut down on such things for some time to come.... -_-"

Mugging...

2005-01-29T21:07:00.000+08:00

I was so bored today, that I actually went to mug.... Managed to read through 3 articles of my social work coursepack before I kinda drifted on to poetry and crap again.... Those articles are just so darn boring, using all sorts of chim language that just a page of it really saps away all the energy I have.... Next time, if I can't sleep, instead of counting sheep, I think I'll just dig up these notes and read them....

Anyway, in my poetic, philosophical moment, I realised something... Though the poems I write hold deep meaning for me, and I would read them over and over again, I bet that most people wouldn't understand or feel the emotions behind it....

Titleless Poem I wrote, which is about how different people view the poems.....

Pen on paper,
Fluid motions.
Cursive scribbles,
Intense emotions.

Poems on paper,
Simple yet deep,
Recall the past,
In tears they read.

Words on paper,
A messy clutter.
By confused people,
Cast into the gutter.

I guess it is quite hard to understand.... basically, the first is how the author views the poem, followed by people who can relate to the poem through past experiences, and the last, is people who don't appreciate it at all.....

Searching for simplicity

2005-01-27T21:53:00.000+08:00

Sigh....
I just think too much,
Want too much,
Need too much...

Why can't I be more simple minded, satisfied with what I have?

As an economist wannabe, I have to say that its solely due to the fact that humans, including me, have unlimited wants, and limited resources....

Sounds like a damn superficial answer right?

Yes.... it is....

Deeper meanings....

2005-01-24T21:42:00.000+08:00

A True Friend. -- by -Emptiness-

Once, I had,
A friend so true.
Who stood by me,
Through all the blues.

But then, I was,
Naive and young,
And treated him,
Much worse than dung.

In need, I’ll call,
Else I’d ignore –
I didn’t treasure,
What was before.

Then came that day,
Another I saw.
Cast him away,
Out of the door.

I played and laughed,
Without remorse.
While he endured,
Winter’s full force.

Hungry and cold,
He roamed the streets,
Trying his best,
To make ends meet.

Who could’ve foreseen,
What was to come.
To that same fate,
Did I succumb.

My wealth I lost,
To those I trusted.
I pled for help,
But my friends scattered.

In debt, alone,
Without a hope,
Wanting to end
All with a rope.

But just when none,
Would heed my plea,
He took my hand,
And walked with me.

He wagged his tail,
And danced like a clown.
He cheered me on,
When I was down.

He gave me strength,
To stand again.
And gave his all,
Without complaint.

To him I owe,
All that I’m now.
A faithful friend,
My shepherd hound.

Inspired by a story I heard... Very touching.... Though not as extreme as the one in this poem, but nonetheless.... Lets just say I couldn't sleep till 6am, thinking about it... wahhaaaa... Of course not yesterday nite, else I couldn't possibly still be blogging now -- I'd be sleeping now =)

The thoughts I can't say

2005-01-21T15:35:00.000+08:00

Life is such sweet sorrow,
That is what some people say.
But I just feel hollow,
Dragging myself through each and every day.

Life's such a bore,
My body's tired and sore.
What am I living for?
Is there something more?

Crap.... Just wanted to write how I was feeling now, but came out as poetry again....

So many things I want to say,
But deep inside, my heart tells me 'nay'.

No one would want to hear the groanings of a tired fella.....

Fun and laughter,
That's all friends desire.
Pain and worry,
From these they all hurry.

There's a place in each of us that none wants to, nor can enter....

Joy comes and goes,
But sorrow lingers on.

Test of patience...

2005-01-19T01:33:00.000+08:00

Giving tuition really really tests your level of patience. All along, I had the impression that I'm a rather patient person... apparently I've been proven wrong... I tried my best to explain to my tuitee a simple mathematical concept today.... after more than 30 mins of repeating and repeating myself, the only 3 words he could say were 'I don't know' again and again.... what the.... Ok, I didn't get pissed or anything, but just really amazed and slightly irritated that he didn't get it up till then... I was starting to wonder whether he even puts in effort to listen to what I am saying.... but what can I say? I was once like him I'm sure. Especially for Chinese... my mum would read to me a particular word i'm unsure of in the passage, and no matter how many times I read the passage, I'd still forget the same word.... =_|.... So, whenever I feel like pulling at my hair in frustration, I gotta remember that I was once like him too....

At least after the tuition, went with mk and rich to JB again for supper =). One great way to relax... 'ji4 qiong3 fan2' really is a great supper dish too... especially when it is complimented with fried oyster... But we really have gotta find some betta place to eat in JB... I've gotta feeling that we are being 'kan' every time we go there.... cause i see lots of singaporeans there too.... and just like in singapore, places where u see lots of foreigners and tourists, those are the places you really shouldn't be going to eat at....

Illegal Street Racing.

2005-01-18T01:36:00.000+08:00

Went to witness a drag race between 2 cars today with mk and richard. 2 Civics, that look like EK9s, though I'm sure they are not... don't ask me the model name, and i don't think u'd be interested too... Both white, both with black bonnets. Like a race between twins. So, we reached the site at 9:30pm, doodled arnd, wait for ppl, say hi, tok nonsense.

Act, was only mk talking with them. rich and I just tiam tiam. When mk's with his car pals, they talk in a different language all together.. bhp, toda cams, anti-lag, and what other nonsense. No point trying to understand. Just nod your head and say... "oh, that one! ahh..." pretending to know what they are talking about, and looking interested.)

I was act expecting some exciting stuff.... but wth... after waiting and zuo bo-ing for so long, the whole thing was over in like 1 min. We chose a spot near the end of the drag race track (some long, broad road at tuas area, much like 40 tiang, if u know where that is) to witness the race. Turbo vs Displacement. One was turbo-charged (mk's friend), his challenger had a 2.1 litre engine (civics only have 1.6 by right). All i managed to see was one of them zooming ahead of the other by a few car lengths... that's it! wth! only 1 time summore... Sometimes, I really wonder at myself. I watched episode after episode of Initial D anime, and wonder what in the world those people were doing beside the roads viewing the race, and now i'm doing the same! The only way to experience the thing is if you are chasing after them in another car, or sitting in one of their cars...

What more, drag racing to me is darn stupid. What kind of kick do you get out of proving that your car is faster than some other person's car? There is absolutely no skill involved. Just depends on how much money you have to blow, and who is tuning the car up for u. If its playing cornering, as in choose some mountain road aka initial d style, driver skills come into play too.... that's so much more interesting....

*sigh*

Somethings i'd never understand....

Meaninglessness

2005-01-16T01:39:00.000+08:00

Have you wondered before what issit you are doin arnd here? What is the purpose of ur life? Why you do the things you do? Why you want the things you want? Don't think this poem is that good, but what the hack....

Meaningless -- by -Emptiness-

Money and recognition,
For us, that’s our life’s ambition.
But why do we embark on this mission,
When life itself is just an apparition?

With each and every breath,
We hear the approaching knell of death.
The signal of our everlasting rest,
And as for our fates, its anyone’s guess.

The one thing that is for sure,
Whether you're rich or you’re poor,
At the end of this earthly tour,
To dust we’ll return, this I assure.

And none can carry fame and wealth,
Through the gates of heaven or hell.
Just as we entered into health,
We depart with just as our naked selves.

Why then do we still strive?
At a dead end we will arrive.
Will we regret the path we now contrive,
When we look back upon our lives?

Waiting......

2005-01-15T01:31:00.000+08:00

梦,作了又碎,我们有几次机会? says:
but as i said before, i'm sure u'd get B+ at least
梦,作了又碎,我们有几次机会? says:
i still believe in that
pEixUaN-- everyday we have, is more than we deserve... says:
haha... u'll get a big big treat if i can get a B

Hmm.... I guess I can prepare myself for a 'big big treat' once px get's her jap lang results for this sem... haha

2005-01-13T14:32:00.000+08:00

I was just looking thru my own blog, and realised, wth, i've not posted a poem for a few days liao! wow! how can this be? so, to rectify this lapse on my part, this is one that I wrote some time ago....

Betrayed -- by -Emptiness-

There are times,
When friends betray.
Worst of crimes,
These fools will pay.

For my trust,
They do despise.
By their lust,
For things they prize.

Bitten twice,
I lost my faith.
Tis the price,
For befriending a knave.

This was inspired by someone too, and the person knows... so I dun have to mention names =)

A Temp solution for my bandwidth woes

2005-01-13T01:17:00.000+08:00

Enough is enough. Having to limit what I can download just because I have to keep within my 220mb bandwidth has been driving me crazy for long enough. So, I weighed my options.
(all calculations based on additional amt paid after 2 years)

1. Upgrade to unlimited broadband: cost: 35*24=S$840
2. Take up more tuition to earn more money to do either option 1 or 2.: cost: My nightly supper and depressed poetry writing time.
3. Learn how to forge my dad's signature....: cost: Risk getting kicked out of my house.
4. Buy a thumbdrive and download stuff in sch.:cost: S$50
5. Buy a notebook and use sch network: cost: S$1500++
5a. Kope min's notebook and use sch network and see the frustration on her face:cost: Priceless!!!

Though I was really tempted to go for option 5a, after much consideration, I felt that option 4 would be the more sensible choice... considering what min already is doing on her blog after I pang seied her for MNO, I seriously don't wanna risk it.... too dangerous... So, went to the bazaar at coop today, got myself a 256mb thumbdrive =). cheap cheap! Only $45 dollars... less than 50 I tot it would cost... I would soon realise why....

First, the cap is a tad too small to fit the thing itself, so the profile view looks a bit funny.... maybe i'm going too much into details here, but what hte hack! Secondly, the string they give to loop through the hole on the usb thumbdrive is too thick, or the hole too small.... doesn't fit! Asked my friend to see if she could do it, but she couldn't too, and it was with the help of her earrings which had a long thin metal piece... (side issue... now I know why gals have earrings... depending on the design, it can be use for self defense / pick locks / double as needle / other things i've yet to think of). But these two flaws aside, its a good thing I've finally gotten a thumbdrive to transfre data from my computer to the outside world... Considering that my cd-rom up till date is still firmly supporting our IDA's anti-piracy stand... I can read absolutely no CD-R / CD-RW / pirated CDs.... damn.... wth!

So, I finally gotta download songs from my gmail acc that xin sent me ages ago on the sch comp, and save it onto my newly aquired 'best friend'.... haha.... not to mention the list of drifting vids from links that i've meticulously stored away on my email... FREEDOM!!! I have to agree with my philo tutor for once, that freedom from having the power to do what you want, sure beats freedom from not wanting to do what I want. Sounds chim eh... not wanting to do wat I want? What the hell is this person talking about? If you figure it out, go take PH1101E... you'd get A+... promise! =P

P.S. PH1101E is the best course to take in my opinion.... take it! ALL MCQ exam, 2 sub 800 word essays and that's it! Furthermore, reading of the text, regardless of what others might tell you, is totally so not necessary! The only requirement for this subject, is to:

For the exam: Have a clear mind, and think through the MCQ options for the test. Text is all provided. No prior knowledge required.

For the essays: Consult your tutor with the draft, and be good and the art of intelligent bluffology. Meaning, writing nonsense in such a way that seems plausible... basically just support what you say with examples, and try to argue the unarguable... need example, come and find me =) haha....

As seen, this module is kinda guarenteed A- minimum, with 0 hour input... In fact, just skip the lectures too.... not necessary really.... if you don't believe, juz try to get hold of one of them MCQ papers and try it to believe it... the only person u should actually listen to is your tutor, so that you know what he wants for your essay.... As Sun Ze said, knowing your enemy is half the battle won.... guess that's what he means, considering he said: 知己知彼百战百胜。 Don't ask me why, but I've got a funny feeling that i'll be corrected soon on this phrase by the in-house chinese expert that reads my blog....

Jo-hu-

2005-01-11T23:52:00.000+08:00

I finally understand why so many Singaporeans love to go to JB.... Its just the irresistable mix of cheap good food and dirt cheap petrol... The only thing stopping them is the causeway jam....

1st stop: JB checkpoint. Why the hack do the Malaysians love to collect those white cards so much? Just as if its some collector's item. They're so stingy with the cards, and you actually have to walk all the way to the customs guy who is busy stamping away ppl's passport just to get those cards... And they built a booth before the actual passport stamping counter, I assume to give out those white cards, but there is nobody there! What the hack?!? They build stuff for no apparent rhyme or reason... Every time I go there, whether day or night, its always abandoned...

2nd stop: JB roads. The perfect place for tiong chia (basically, modded civics / wiras, driven by ah bengs, mostly) drivers... No TP breathing down your neck... so speed all you want! haha... And you'll find no lack of fellow tiong chia drivers to play with... many JB cars have huge, large, noisy mufflers, are all lowered with damn stiff suspensions, with decals of astoundingly bad taste... Just becareful where you drive, cause the roads there are in a horrendous condition.... pot holes the size of a car?!? I don't think those are called pot holes any longer... Maybe that's the Malaysian Army's way of getting prepared for a possible invasion from Singapore... Who needs trenches when you've got pot holes the size of trenches? Apparently, no one there cares anymore... Just too used to it I guess... And JB is supposed to be a city... imagine the country side....

3rt stop: 'Ramly Burger'. How cheap is cheap? Lemme see... Burger set -- think western, with the meat changed to a mcspicy double, and in fact is much more delicious than the highly comercialised thing u get from Mcdonalds -- with ice blended teh-ping (first time I ever drank such a thing), with otah, about 7 or 8, for RM$8.... that equates to less than S$4! That's what I call heaven =) Cheap, good food.... Something worth living for I guess... No wonder Malaysians would risk their safety driving in the night with their street lights all out of order... What people would do for good food! =)

4th stop: Caltex station. With an ever increasing obesity rate, with more and more singaporeans getting stroke and what not fitness related illnesses, the Singapore ministry of health should really thank the Malaysian government. I guess this is where all the Singaporean ah peks get their daily dose of exercise. It is only at this place, that you can see grown singaporean chinese males, and sometimes even females, humping their car in full public view! talk about outrage of modesty.... This should be one of the tourist attractions of JB =)... Apparently, they think that jumping up and down to shake their car can allow for more petrol to get into the fuel tank... wth?!? oh please! I know we are well known for being kiasu, but this really is overboard! We don't need to blatently advertise of shortcomings to foreigners while still in their country! *pengz* But I understand why they all do this... Petrol in Singapore is about S$1.40-150 per litre, depending on grade. In malaysia, its RM$1.25-1.40 per litre... that equates to S$0.60-0.70 per litre.... wow! But still, I believe that decency and repectability shouldn't be discarded with such disregard for the sake of saving at most, $10-20 Singapore dollars... Lets just say that many drive luxury cars, such as Lexus and Mercerdes... They can afford such cars that cost $200K++ and still are kiam siap enough to come all the way to malaysia just to pump petrol? Speechless....

So, that's it for my little supper stint in malaysia.... till next time....

Frustrationomics

2005-01-10T17:21:00.000+08:00

Arghh.... First day of school, and I already cannot tahan it already! The stupid economics lectures. LIM KIM LIAN! Dread that name. She was basically blabbering to herself, lost in her own world of mathematical calculations throughout the lecture! I doubt anyone was able to understand what in the world she was talking about, but all, as usual kiasu S'poreans, were furiously scribbling away on their notes, with me, looking quizically at them, wondering what in the world they are even trying to do. True wisdom is knowing when to just give up. Some things are just not possible, and not worth the effort, in this case copying down equations and working you don't even understand, and, as she admitted it herself, with many errors in the data used. What the?!? What kinda lecturer is she? Can't even be bothered to make sure her workings are proper, as in actually based on the question.

Furthermore, she can say with so much conviction that the supply curve has a negative y-intercept. Any tom dick or harry who has taken economics, or even just has common sense would know that is impossible -- it implies that in general, at a price of $0, producers will be willing to produce goods! -- i.e. if the price of char kway teow at the deck was fixed at $0, the uncle at the store will still be willing to rent the store, buy the kway teow, and fry it for u... No wonder PHD = permenant head damage. No common sense whatsoever. And when I went down to see her after the lecture, she didn't want to give me time to talk to her! "I have to quickly get out so that the next lecturer can come in." What kinda lame excuse is that? Juz a min or 2 also cannot? And i'm the only one there! And the uni just increased its school fees, and they can still allow this kinda people to lecture?!? wow... The least they can do is have some decent lecturer who actually knows what he is talking about!

Next was macro economics lecture... Ok, this time its not the lecturer' fault... I was just too used to my afternoon nap, that I was dozing off every 5min or so... Was struggling to keep awake... and obviously, didn't have a clue as to what the lecturer was talking about. But nonetheless, even in my semi-conscious state, I could tell that at least, he was better than the LIM.

What a great start to the new sem... I've a funny feeling i'm going to be dragging my self through the days....

Its all a game....

2005-01-09T20:17:00.000+08:00

Inspired by px's chinese poem on her blog, which I found to be quite true, and depressing in the sense that there is a deep sense of disillusionment in it... I found it to be really inspiring... haha... However, I must admit that I don't quite understand it actually... haha... I just kinda got the gist of it... Chinese too chim already....

The Game -- by -Emptiness-

In the open, we talked and we laughed,
But it just a game, a player’s craft.
A complex game, driven solely by lust,
Between the sexes, to my disgust.

What happened to love, so pure and white,
The thread of light, crossing the divide?
A love that lasts, innocent yet strong,
Regardless of all, weathering the storms.

With faces hidden, all donning masks,
We all partake, in these deceitful tasks.
Misleading others, to attain our goals,
Sinister and dark, these are our souls.

Who here is willing, to bare their all,
Aware that he might just lose it all?
Knowing this now, who can we trust?
Can we see clearly, through all the dust?

Winter Sonata....

2005-01-08T18:01:00.000+08:00

Sigh, I'm just a sucker for drama serials that have beautiful music, in particular those that have a sad tinge to them, ie. in a minor key, slow, melodious. Hence, till date, my favourite drama serial is still Winter Sonata. The music is just fantastically depressing.

Why do I suddenly mention this?

Cause I'm currently re-watching it, courtesy of viv, who lent me her Winter Sonata vcd ages ago, but I've yet to sit down and watch it up till now. Just finished watching episode 7, when I just had to stop and write a poem, inspired by 'Xiang He'. For those people who don't know nuts about Winter Sonata, or haven't watched it before, GO WATCH IT!, and just bare with me for the moment.

Key people involved: You Zhen (f) , Ming Heng (m) , Xiang He (m).

Brief info: You Zhen and Xiang He are engaged to be married. Ming Heng is You Zhen's first love but due to some complicity, You Zhen doesn't know he is the same person, and neither does he.

'You Zhen' just saved 'Ming Heng' from a bunch of falling planks, and ended up in hospital. 'Xiang He', was though worried, very angry at her. He is those kind of very easy going person, who is always calm and cautious, hardly ever losing his temper. But at this point of time, he was so angry at her that he blurted out what he actually felt from his heart:

翔赫：你还是一样，不会否认。虽然我知道，但是我希望你跟我否认。

*sad piano music at the background*

有珍：翔赫。。。

翔赫：这不是俊祥的关系，而只是太巧合了。你不能这样告诉我吗？

*pause*

翔赫：我真得很讨厌你这么老实。

Just thinking about how intense the emotions that Xiang He, especially given his nature, was feeling when he said these words just made me have to write a poem about this...

Lie To Me -- by - Emptiness-

Please, just let me be,
Continue to lie to me.
Don’t cover hope’s frail gleam,
Don’t want to wake up from my dream.

I don’t want to hear the truth,
Only have so much of youth.
Where’s the difference between lie and truth,
I won’t know if you don’t give me proof.

Though some might think I’m nuts,
The fact is, I don’t have the guts,
To face the facts thrown at me,
From the truth I want to flee.

So, I beg, just heed my plea --
Don’t shatter my dream, just let me be.

Now, for me to continue watching Episode 8....
じゃ、また!

My new jacket!

2005-01-07T22:02:00.000+08:00

Haha. Today was a fruitful day. Went shopping with my mum, and got myself two new jackets, or sweaters, or whatever they are supposed to be called. I love them =) They feel sooooo nice.... haha... One of them, I bought from the 'FF' shop. Up to date, I don't know what the shop's name is, unless it is to say that the sign in front, which states Fmen Fwomen is their actual name. Anyway, from that shop, I bought a dark grey hooded zippable sweater*. I was eyeing this sweater the last time I went to FF with xin and mich. The other, I bought from Robinson, is a crimson woolen/velvet one. Really nice to the touch =). And guess how much it cost. Original price, $49. Discounted price, $9. What the hack?!?!? Just grab it! Especially since I noticed it even after having already just bought a sweater. Muz take into consideration that I'm the type of person that eyes something first, before buying it, and buys stuff only if there is a need for it. Great deals at Robinson.... no wonder they call it the sale worth waiting for. Finally, I'll not be freezing in the NUS library anymore. Idiots there just don't know how to turn down the aircon, and they have all sorts of campaigns to save electricity. What hypocrites.

Anyway, today was also a memoriable day as I offically pang sei-ed someone today. Was supposed to take MNO with min, but due to some stroke of stupidity, I didn't declare my minor as business... So while she managed to bid for it at round 2b or 2a, and got it for juz 1 point, I had to wait till 2c. And my oh my, 150 nimwits were vying for juz 100 vacancies. And as of 2pm, the min bid was 651. No way i'm going to blow 3/4 of my gen account points on something that someone juz managed to get with 1 point... So with little effort on my part, I managed to force myself to click on the drop module button, even though min had promised to take legal action against me if I ever did so.... Nvm, I'm sure getting my friend who's in law to defend me wouldn't cost that much right? haha... =P

* - I don't know the terms for clothings very well... Don't really shop much, forgive me... Could be a sweater, a jacket, or something which I have yet to discover... What's the diff between jacket and sweater anyway?

Reminicence

2005-01-07T01:09:00.000+08:00

Is it love? -- by -Emptiness-

Is it love,
Between friends,
Who just seek,
For pleasure now.

Is it love,
A mother's care,
When the child,
Wants to run wild?

Is it love,
A lasting crush --
Only one,
likes the other.

Is it love,
Finding the one,
Who just might,
Change in future?

What is love,
That we all want?
Do we know,
Our own desires?

Just some stuff I wrote quite some time ago... Was reading through it and realised that I quite liked it.... so here it is....

Kaimono Shimasho!

2005-01-06T22:50:00.000+08:00

Another uneventful day in my life. Figured I had too much time on hand, so, I did some minor changes to my blog template. Now the words are bigger, and it is easier to read, or so I hope. Anyway, I couldn't help myself but play minesweeper again, considering how much time I had, so much for what I just said about not playing it anymore... Btw, got a time of 188, so not that bad. =) But still a far cry from Xin apparently. How am I supposed to get 130?!? That's nutz!

Anyway, going shopping tomolo! Haha... Its been a long time since I did that. Hopefully my mum will pay for me too =) Then I can just kope anything I want. That's the only reason kids go shopping with the parents eh? Haha.. but nah, I got a funny feeling I wouldn't ask her to buy me stuff. I hardly do... Can make do with what I have, so why buy stuff? But I do need a sweater... NUS lecture halls are damn cold. One sem of suffering is way more than enough... More importantly, hope the sales are still on. =)

min says:
pls dun pangsei
min says:
i got my blog as evidence u noe?
min says:
hahaha
min says:
i can sue u if u back out

Note to self: Never put myself in a compromising situation. Any comments or post on other people's blog must from now on seem sincere, yet actually have no substance or promises in it whatsoever, to prevent such a situation from happening again.

Finally

2005-01-06T08:40:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it, and I don't think you would too. I spent the last few days in vain trying to break the 200 sec barrier, and yesterday, or should I say today morning at around 4am, I gave up and went to sleep, only to be awakened up at 7am, after 3 short hours of sleep my some noises. Tried to sleep, but I couldn't, so what the hack, went for a bathe, then tried my luck at minesweeper again, this time with eyes half open, and guess what, after a number of tries, I finally did it! I couldn't believe it at first. With myself at much less than full concentration, I could get a timing of 197! hahaha...

That's it! Objective completed!

Enough of minesweeper for an entire month, or maybe a year... =)

Now time for me to go back to sleep.... =P

My poor little index finger....

2005-01-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

In my relentless quest to break the 200 sec barrier for minesweeper, i've been playing that stupid game for countless hours.... damn it.... and I still can't do it! latest record... 210 sec.... damn.... just 10 sec away.... and there was once I was at 180 sec, with only about 10 more mines to go, when the phone rang, and it startled me, and there goes.... i clicked on the wrong square.... kaboom! argh! frustrating!

But still, i'm determined to break this elusive barrier.... As long as my index finger can hold out.... its hurting rather badly now, considering the constant clicking of the mouse.... argh! wish me luck!

Oh, anyway, another poem I wrote, inspired by the song i'm constantly listening to now from the movie Turn left, Turn right....

A Whisper In the Wind -- by -Emptiness-

Just like an angel,
A beacon of light,
She entered my life,
And lit up the night

We laughed until dark,
And talked without pause --
She opened my heart,
As cold as it was.

But just like a breeze
She left as she came.
With only a kiss,
To remember her name.

Though now she has passed,
She’s still on my mind.
An echo of the past,
A whisper in the wind.

Success!

2005-01-04T01:55:00.000+08:00

Haha... after hours of playing minesweeper at home, I finally managed to complete it! woohoo! (expert level)... Never managed to do so before.... haha... Such a sense of satisfaction.... After a few more attempts (quite a few more actually), I managed to get a time of 243 seconds.... hahaha... I guess that at this rate I'm going at, it will be no time before I break the 200 second barrier.... =) I guess that at this point you must be asking yourself what in the world is this guy already in uni, doing playing minesweeper still, and for hours for that matter of fact.... that's a very good question I wanna ask myself too.... Boredom does wonders to a person.... Coupled with a real sucky computer, and a limited bandwidth, this is what you get... No games, no internet downloads, no surfing.... wth.... damn sad...

Anyway, looking forward to the new school term.... finally can do something else other than slack at home in the day.... usually the nights are not much problem, cause that's when I go out with friends, but the day time ah..... damn sad... I guess that is why I'm a night bird... So with school reopening, I'd finally find something to occupy my time in the day.... oh, and anyway, a poem of a lighter mood for the new year.... not something dreary and bleak like my normal ones... I composed this as an ode to mk's old car... enjoy =)

The Legend of the Street...

A Civic it was,
To race was it cause.
Dressed always in red,
Or so it was said.

For it caused a fright,
To those in the night.
When it broke the still,
With its angry shrill.

And all those who saw,
Just stood there in awe.
So quickly it flew,
What passed, they had no clue.

But sadly, it has risen,
To Honda Civic heaven,
Having raced to techno beats,
The true legend of the street....

You might be wondering why there is a change of rhythm in the last stanza.... It's on purpose.... Wonder whether I should have done it like that.... Or should the last stanza be something like

Sadly, it's risen,
To Civic heaven.
Herald by techno beats,
The legend of the street.

Comments would be appreciated =)

Ramblings

2005-01-03T16:56:00.000+08:00

风停了又吹我忽然想起谁
天亮了又黑我过了好几岁
心暖了又灰世界有时候孤单的很需要另一个同类

爱收了又给我们都不太完美
梦作了又碎我们有几次机会
去追不晓得为甚么爱又稀少又昂贵

--<<同类>> 唱：孙燕姿曲：李?菘词：易家扬

I just had to copy this phrase from px blog.... I loved it! So deep, yet so nicely written... Rhythm, rhyme and meaning.... wow.... even though I've never heard the song itself yet... just reading the words (with much effort on my part), I just kinda fell in love with it.... haha...

Anyway, its already Day 3 of 2005.... and i'm almost another year older..... wahhaaa.... lemme see, 1 month 8 more days? yeow.... Times flies when you have ORDed... I still remember the time when I was in the army, wondering why the time passed by so darn slowly.... praying for time to have mercy on me and just speed by me.... but nono..... each and every moment was painstakingly slow.... and the weekends passed by amazingly quickly..... Now, havin finished my NSF liability, time seems to have quickened its paced substantially.... and now, I'm praying for it to slow down! The irony of it all... When you want it to pass quickly, it passes slowly, and vice versa.... As if some greater being is intent at feeding me what I don't want.... Always....

School is going to start soon, next week to be exact.... and so, like all other kiasu NUSians, I rushed to bid for my mods way ahead of time during the advanced bidding.... But seriously, what is the point of advanced bidding? I've gotta knock some sense into my head.... can't just follow the crowd.... Its not as if i'm going to succeed in my advanced bidding, and i'd have to bid again just before closed bidding starts, and before it ends.... Way dumb..... It doesn't help when basically, the whole of NUS is trying to log onto CORs causing a massive jam, and there I was, talking with a whole bunch of desperate people on MSN, who were like me, trying to log on.... haha... At least I can take heart in the fact that my mods are not very popular, so its easy to bid for them.... not much worries.... But in the first place, considering the recent increases in NUS school fees, the least they can do is to upgrade their system.... they should know that due to this bidding nonsense which they came up with, the whole of NUs would be up online, bidding for their mods.... come on! And they are supposed to be intellectuals.... can't even foresee such an event.... what more, it happens every sem.... toidi!

Inspired by yy...

2005-01-02T01:51:00.000+08:00

Non dimenticar mio - by -Emptiness-

In fear we hugged, my baby and I,
Huddled together in the icy cold.
Knowing that the moment is nigh,
As boot steps echoed, from down below.

Dressed in black, an angel of death,
Faceless under his hooded cloak,
Walked up the stairs, with heavy breaths.
Ready to kill, without provoke,

He grabbed her hair, and dragged her out,
Her desperate screams filling the air.
I tried my best, struggling throughout,
With a valiant fight that was rare.

With just my fists I jumped at him,
Without a care, to get her back,
But hindered by a broken limb,
My struggle ended with a stab.

Exhausted, in pain, yet still I tried,
In vain, to reach, and touch her hand.
Hot tears streamed down as I cried,
A pain that none can understand.

Recall, still I, though it’s long ago,
With half shut eyes, and a cigarette,
The words she cried out in the snow.
Remember me, don’t forget,

Non dimenticar mio.

Thanks to yy for teaching me this interesting phrase... Non dimentica mio... its italian for don't forget me... Looks cool to have some language other than english in an english poem... (except for chinese, which i'll not even consider putting into english poems =P) But I muz say sorrie cause she told me to write some more cheery poem for the new year, but what the hack? Don't forget me? I can't think of anything cheery.... haha.... nvm... next time then...

For those who are interested, the poem is about a couple, in World War II, one German, the other Jew (the gal), and as you all know, the Jewish purge.... I think it still need some work, but what the hack, I've been at this for the last 2 hours.... Enough pain for a day.... Though I must confess that what someone I know once told me is true --

That there is a pleasure in pain

What a bad start to a new year....

2005-01-01T09:14:00.000+08:00

Holy Cow!

The first thing that happened to my blog on 2005 is the entire template went MISSING!!! What the hack?!? So, I just came back from New Year's Eve celebrations, and was thinking of blogging about it, when I realise that my blog was now just a blank screen... And silly old me didn't make a backup of the template somewhere....

Real great way to spoil a new year.... So with bloodshot eyes, and a mind which is already kinda in dream land, I sat down in front of my computer to fix it up.... So after 2 hours of work, I finally got it up and running again... though this time it is pretty "stock"... Didn't do much editing to the code, and the pictures are still the same.... Can't be bothered when I haven't even slept yet.... shit.... And now, I'm in no mood to blog about what I intended to at first... Just thinking of all the stuff I'll have to add on again makes me feel so sian....

Maybe i'll just stick to this template permanently....

New Year Soon!

2004-12-31T20:43:00.000+08:00

The Dark Side of the Moon - By -Emptiness-

A person’s heart, I’d never know.
Its doors are shut, with screws and nails.
Just like the moon, which doesn’t show,
Part of itself, through Darkness’ veils.

Even the part, which I can see,
Deceives always, the wise of men.
What more the side, that I can’t see,
Hidden even, to best of friends?

The dismal side, of lonely hearts,
A place where joy, in haste departs
A world that’s filled, with only gloom.
The cold and dark, side of the moon.

So much for my last post of the year...

But I just had to end of the year, with a poem.....

P.S. This poem was inspired by Xin, who saw the phrase Dark side of the moon while we were roaming town.... It was the name of some Coffee, and beside it, was Earl Grey.... It was her that said "Hey, that looks like a good phrase for one of your poems", and so, here it is =)

Vacation

2004-12-28T01:21:00.000+08:00

Crap..... Just realised that I've exceeded my bandwidth for the month liao.... ARGH!!!! That means, no more blogging for the rest of the month! So this will be my last entry for Dec.... Lemme try to squeeze everything in here.....

New Year Resolutions:
1. Go all out for my goals
2. Don't be discouraged, in spite of all obstacles
3. Persevere till the very end....
4. Start blogging again come Jan 1st 2005
5. Try to estimate bandwidth usage correctly from now onwards.... this really sux
6. Make at least 2 more real real good friends by end of next year....
7. Stop thinking so much about life, love, and other mysteries....
8. Get my Nokia 6260 ASAP....
9. Get a cap of 4.5 by next sem (kinda impossible, but what the hack)
10. Don't buang my dad's car again....
11. Don't trust my first impressions of people anymore....
12. Write better chinese poems... english too i guess... hope they become less depressing....

Hope all these come true =)

Also, hope i can find something to do on new year's eve......

Yet another poem

2004-12-27T21:21:00.000+08:00

Helpless

Huddled by the window sill,
I looked on through the frosted pane
Hoping to see the flaky spill,
Like Christmas past, this year again.

Greeted by a lovely sight,
I could not help myself but sigh.
The sky was filled with spots of white,
But a single object caught my eye.

Jumping up without a thought,
I grabbed my shoes and my winter coat.
But to my horror the door was locked,
I was trapped within without a hope.

Still I tried to open the door,
Both hands pounding, but all in naught.
Helpless, I watched what was before,
Wanting to cry out in distraught.

Fighting for its very life
A pure white dove trashed in the cold,
In the icy wind, what can survive?
At last it fell still upon the snow.

My aching heart fell silent,
And my tired arms became still.
At least the poor creature’s torment,
Had finally come to an end.

Huddled by the window sill,
I looked on through the frosted pane,
Shivering in the winter chill.
In my heart there was only pain.

Nothing like a poem to express my thoughts and feelings.... Poems can express these like no other forms of writing can.... I wrote this poem thinking of the feelings of helplessness.... of wanting to do something, trying all you can, but still, before your very eyes, everything falls apart.... And the Christmas setting seems perfect.... In the midst of joy, there is pain.... But i think this poem still not that good yet.... the first part doesn't make much sense.... I wanted to portray the boy, or whoever, in the poem searching for the Christmas joy, in this case, snow... but don't think this got across right? damn.... Nevermind, I'll slowly improve =)

And damn, mk is going M'sia, and xin is goin Blangla... so much for the nite birds gathering..... now its more like THE nite bird.... crap.... a lame one for that matter of fact, since I'm P-ban from driving! argh....

P.S. Actually this poem has a deeper meaning, see if u can figure it out

Kae-Poe-ing

2004-12-27T01:58:00.000+08:00

Another uneventful day.... woke up, ate, slept, ate again, den blog, den going to sleep.... Sound like a pig siah.... But on the other hand, pigs can't blog, and if I were a pig, I'd be a lot fatter than wat I am currently....

Anyway, results were finally out today.... like it really matters actually.... A bit too late to change stuff.... so just bicker around, kaepo arnd, the usual stuff to try and make my day more interesting.... But do results really matter to me? Not really actually.... I know its not as if i'm going to make it into dean's list, or honour year, or something.... Sure, I'd want to do well, but it isn't exactly on the top of my wish list... I've got so many other wishes, but all pale in comparison to one....

Anyway, just another poem I wrote sometime ago.... Anyway, don't think too much into it, its just exaggerated feelings.... Not as if i'm going to commit suicide anytime soon....

崩溃

每天拖着背，
眼睛溜着泪。
我心已破碎，
精神已崩溃。

这苦何人知，
心天天被刺。
为何还要拼，
结束我的命。

Moon Gazing Session

2004-12-26T03:16:00.000+08:00

Its amazing how people can brood over things together.... Depression is really contagious.... So at 11pm, there were 3, or should I say 2 people in particular, at Yishun dam, leaning on a particular Silver Honda SIR gazing into the vast expanse above, filled with white, patches of fluff, pondering over the questions of life and love, moaning about our pains and sorrows and wants and desires..... *sigh*.... The cold night breeze only served to enhance the already dreary mood.... And it seriously didn't help with me huming songs like "My Memory" or "Guo Huo"....

Its Christmas day, and the three of us were burning our time away at Yishun dam.... goodness.... how sad can that get? But anyway, sure beats staring at my computer screen at night.... at least got some company =)

Anyway, went to hear Joanne with her handbell performance at the esplanade today.... They were damn zai.... and the music was really really nice.... I throughly enjoyed the experience, except for a particular gal dressed in black playing the handbells, who was 'kek sei-ing' like nobody's business.... everybody was like prim and proper playing the handbells, but she was like swaying all the time, as if she was in some seedy disco dancing, high on crack or something.... And the worst part is that she was frowning the entire time long.... haha.... Due to her, I got lots of comments to give on the performance siah.... haha.... So much for lending support for Joanne... =)

Christmas!

2004-12-25T02:10:00.000+08:00

Hohoho..... The season of giving has finally arrived.... Nothing much to it though.... Where is Santa and his reindeers? Neither do I see snow... I stare out of my balcony, and it still looks the same to me... Just another one of them festive seasons made popular by unscrupulous businessmen, just like Valentine's day, Mother's day, Father's day, Grandparent's day, and many others... Soon we'd be havin Pet's day, House pest day, Friend's day, and even PAP day.... haha... bunch of nonsense days....

Anyway, quite a nice day spent, toking nonsense with xin and mk at his house x'mas eve party.... and someone was drooling over her knight in a shining FC3S.... haha... The company was the best part of today, though I must say that the food there was pretty good too, not to forget the wine too... Anyway, as all things in life, even the best things have to come to an end.... so here I am again in front of my Samsung screen blogging about today.... If everyday was like this, I'd love it siah.... erm.... on second thoughts, nah... don't think so.... something is still missing............. But its pretty close already.... haha.... And met one of mk's cousins, who is a gal, and likes to play racing games! How often does a gal actually find car racing games fun?!? Quite interesting..... More interestingly is that today, all the racing games I played with ppl, I LOST!!!! except against mk and xin of course.... haha.... Wonder how I could come in second for NFSU2 competition and still lose to ppl rite? haha.... if u think a little harder, u'd know why I lost to them.... Christmas is a time to be happy rite? so just doin my little part to help all of them.... but of course I can't possibly lose to mk and xin.... =P Know them for too long already.... so... haha... all out trash them! =) I'm sure they don't mind anyway....

First Impressions & Sterotypes

2004-12-24T02:55:00.000+08:00

I noticed that I always have strong first impressions about ppl that I meet.... and most of the time, the truth turns out to be the exact opposite.... Pretty strange.... So though I'm always wrong, due to my consistency, I could be considered extremely accurate in my judgement..... just take the opposite of whatever impressions I have at first.... This holds mainly true for all the ppl I am friends with, and the people I have liked.... though there are exceptions....

Why am I saying this? Cause today, I met xin's friend, Dewen, and the very first impression I got was that I was not going to like this guy.... Don't ask me why.... I tried to figure out what caused this adverse reaction towards him, but to no avail.... perhaps is the way he spoke.... but i can't pinpoint it exactly..... However, after talking to him abit, he seems quite an ok guy, though I still have this sterotype about him, that he would fall into my 'don't like' category... Perhaps, after a while more, this would change.... but first impressions die hard... though they eventually do die off....

So anyway, I indulged myself with 2 plates of fu2 jian4 mian4 for dinner today.... SHIOK! ahh.... felt so good.... never felt this good for quite some time.... or from about 24 hours ago to be exact, since that was when I ate my marine parade area ba chor mee.... haha.... After that, met up with the guys (vic, pt, kel) to tok kok and play games.... mk had to give them their x'mas gifts.... We had to go to vic's house since he was basically 'locked' up at home before calling it a day....

Forgive me, but I really have to elaborate more on this.... Though I'm somewhat amazed that in this modern day, there are still ppl who, over 21, are still subject to curfews and stuff.... i'm totally speechless when it comes to vic's case... A 5.30pm curfew?!?!? What the hack! That's nutz! Pt fondly refers to him as jailbird..... goodness.... It really sad, considering that even gals who are of a younger age can stay out until like 10.30pm or later.... Furthermore, considering the fact that he is studying overseas and is currently in his third year.... this curfew becomes even more illogical.... I don't know whether to feel pity for him, or to laugh at his plight....

But anyway, if I were him, I might not mind getting locked up.... His parents are damn rich, and he basically lives in a sorta paradise at home.... Bed, aircon, stero, laptop, desktop, grand piano, all in his room, with the exception of the piano.... His room is so big and comfy! Like some sort of 5 star suite.... Heaven!

I'll be waiting for the day I'd get such VIP treatment.... damn..... hope the day comes soon, or should I say even come at all....

My very own car!!!!

2004-12-23T03:54:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! I just got my very own car! A skyline GTR-34! I'm ecstatic! Anyone wanna jio me go racing? However, if i'm planning to go anywhere with it, I'd better start losing weight.... lots of it.... like 70kg at least.... (i'm 70kg now), since its just a remote controlled car.... wahhaa..... Anyway, mk and xin, thx! So basically, while at selegie kopitiam at 10pm toking nonsense and slacking, we tried out my new car, having fun freaking out some poor little kitty who was eyeing the strange moving object for quite some time.... Also did some parallel parking practise with it, and afterwhich, we were left wondering how any of us even managed to get our class 3 license in the first place =)

Also, today was a memorable day since we went starbucks (it sure has been a long time since I went to such a place), and I treated the two of them to kopi as a christmas gift.... haha.... Actually thought of getting them something else, but the thing I wanted to get for xin was, believe or not, sold out! And I saw a pile of them like just 3-4 days ago.... Oh, and starbucks oreo cheesecake is FANTASTIC!!! but a little small..... why so small? But anyway, it was a little piece of heaven.... haha.... my version of heaven consist of basic necessities such as a damn fast computer, a soft and snug king sized bed, and lots and lots of delicious food, consisting mainly of ba chor mee and chocolate =) So, since I had rhumba frappo (lots of choc and cookies inside) and oreo cheesecake already, I just had to go for the ba chor mee.... haha... So once again, I (and the two of them) found myself back at the ba chor mee store near to marine parade (I still don't know the name of that store) after like 2 or 3 days? or was it just yesterday? Damn... short term memory.... Anyway, I think that uncle at the shop will sooner or later know me damn well, even though I stay on the other end of Singapore.... =)

Starless night

2004-12-22T03:39:00.000+08:00

Staring at the starless night,
My mind wonders, deep thought.
The darkness like a dreadful blight,
Echos my spirit in distraught.

Already I am weak and frail,
From countless wounds upon my soul.
Like a murderer thrown in jail,
Constant torment without parole.

Staring at the starless night,
Desperately searching for the light,
An angel dressed in spotless white,
My saviour who will end my plight.

Its freakin' 4am and i'm composing poetry.... goodness.... i'm nutz.... HELP!!! Why ain't I sleeping now? Who knows.... one of the greatest mysteries of life.... But tonight sure is a starless night, literally and otherwise, both....

And I finally realised why i'm dreading Christmas... Cause the nearer Christmas comes, the nearer the release of the exam results will be.... argh!!!! I know i'm going to flop more than one subject.... i can feel it in my veins..... Next time when I choose project group members, I better choose properly.... Due to my lack of foresight, I singlehandedly screwed up my jap studies proj which is 30% of the final score, by allowing some bummer to join our group.... damn.... as the grp leader, I guess I'll have to take responsibility for that.... Not to forget jap lang should be pretty horrendous too....

The nightmare is about to begin.....
Can I find the strength within,
To weather through this storm and win?

Christmas

2004-12-20T01:06:00.000+08:00

5 more days to Christmas! woohoo! feel the spirit of givin! I was at Takashimaya yesterday, and wat the hack! SO CROWDED!!! I can't even move around properly.... and everyone was queueing up for the free gift wrapping in the usual Singaporean spirit... I joined the queue too -- Feels good to be part of Singapore =) Nothing beats joining the crowd just to experience the 'joy' of Christmas....

But seriously, I find that Singaporeans are getting far too materialistic.... It gets all too apparent during Christmas... Christmas just equates to gifts.... nothing else.... Its far too commercialised.... all about the newest, coolest toys, no longer about just the spirit of giving... I reckon that just a nice meal with someone, a nice chat, would be so much more meaningful....

Rainy days.....

2004-12-19T02:25:00.000+08:00

There are times that I feel down and out....

This is one of those times.....

Just close my eyes and ride it out....

And hope the sun will shine again soon....

I love SAF

2004-12-17T23:33:00.000+08:00

SAF, as an organisation, never ceases to amaze me with their astounding lack logical reasoning and efficiency.... Basically, today, my first call back to camp, was a 8 hour period of butt warming... I mean, they called us back just to give a some stupid talk, of which they had already given before we ORDed.... goodness.... and as if struck by some stroke of genius, they asked us, ppl who were so 'enthusiastic' of coming back to waste a day away, to draw, and write out, our plan for the new battalion.... i mean... WHO GIVES A DAMN?!?!? I want to get out of there!!!

Anyway, I managed to make more constructive use of my time there.... managed to read finish Streats, Today, and some other old newspapers while the CO was rambling away about what not.... Oh, and I realised that the K700i is at the same price as the Nokia 6260 -- A price i can't afford! damn! there goes my dream phone, the 6260.... Back to the drawing board....

Oh, and if anyone is planning on watching the polar express, STOP!!!!! Unless you are below the age of 5, or have an extremely great fetish for pre-pubescent kids, continue on with ur plans.... I was basically anxiously waiting for the show to end, like 20mins into the show.... maybe 15mins.... wouldn't know.... seems like eternity to me.... and the show was free... mk had free tickets.... damn..... that's how bad it was.... Why do i even bother to watch such a show? Anyway,

You were warned.....

Booking in....

2004-12-16T22:19:00.000+08:00

Going back to camp tomolo..... damn... why must it be? so early summore..... can't they remember that i'm no longer NSF?? I need my 10 hours of sleep..... from 12am to 10am....! Idiots.... I hate SAF.... Looking at that SAF 100 (letter they send u) has such a demoralising effect on me.... reminds me that i still have to dance to the wimps and fancy of the govt.... shit.....

Anyway, I'm quite glad today..... i realised that I'm finding it much easier to approach those ppl at orchard already.... haha.... doesn't matter if they buy or not, but anyway, the fact that I can thicken my skin and do it shows that my efforts are not in vain..... =) Rejection by them, or the possibility of it, doesn't affect me that much anymore.... But its not the end of it yet..... still got a few more days to go just to confirm this.... Sadly though, today i never meet any interesting ppl.... *sigh*.... but i really can't expect to met with interesting ppl everyday rite? wahhaa....

Just an overdue poem

2004-12-16T01:01:00.000+08:00

Written by me, edited (a lot, wahhaa) by yy....

为何

人生短短几十年，
生老病死谁能免。
拼了一生有何用，
最终还是一场梦。

富有贫穷怎能分，
还不是得过人生。
尝尽人间无数苦，
没人谈心躲着哭。

不如开心过生活，
陪伴对方你和我。
有苦不要一人扛，
找个朋友和他谈。

既然如此为何愁，
少点烦恼继续走。

2nd day of rejection!

2004-12-15T20:07:00.000+08:00

As crazy as it might sound.... i went back to the same old place today to receive my daily dose of rejection.... haha.... Decided to just ask 100 people and be done with it.... whehter or not they buy, who cares..... and lo and behold, i sold none again... haha.... perfectly expected....

I've got new found respect for outdoor sales people.....

And i'll never brush them off again.... if i don't want to buy i'll at least smile and say something nice.... or at least spare a look at what they are selling...

Why am i doing this you might ask... Erm.... for a few reasons:
1. I'm afraid / have some sort of thing holding me back, from approaching ppl, like during flag day, or selling stuff, or something... as they say, its all in the mind....
2. I've got nothing to do at home.... might as well use this time to overcome my fears and stuff...
3. Erm... yet to think of it.....

Anyway, during the first hour or so, i wasn't like approaching much ppl.... feeling damn idiotic or something, doin such a thing again, when I KNOW they WILL NOT BUY from me.... when I met a gal by the name of Samantha... She was waiting for her friends when she saw my absolutely stunning lack of results and effort.... So she called me over, and gave me some advice, relating to me her past outdoor sales experience.... very interesting person.... anyway, after she left, i managed to get myself to start approaching many more ppl.... haha... So unlike me.... she's a great motivator.... So, with my greatly increased rate of asking ppl, I finished by 4pm, my 100th rejection, and then proceeded on to Kinokoniya to look at drawing books....

I realised that as much as i like to draw, and draw relatively ok by my standards, those books are so damn indepth and technical..... crap.... don't understand, or can't just read and absorb what they say..... But nonetheless, its quite interesting....

Anyway, an excerpt from a poem i wrote... with regards to doing crazy things..... I wrote it in another context, but I think it kinda fits my situation now....

Yet none are willing,
To walk this path.
All still fearing,
To incur their wrath.

But care, should I,
What others may say?
Headstrong, I walk,
Not led astray.

By hushed whispers,
And subtle chides,
Just to conform,
And save their hides.

Horrendous Day

2004-12-14T20:13:00.000+08:00

Take it from me.... don't ever ever try outdoor sales....

In life, you seriously don't need to get rejected more than what you already experience.... I reckon in the short frame of 3 hours that I was trying to sell the snoopy soft toy, I was rejected more than I would have been in an entire year of my life..... Damn.... And it is a 10 day job thing..... looks like this suffering will only continue on..... One day at a time I guess.....

I must say that I almost sold 2 though.... One to a little malay girl who was crying.... her mother was totally willing to buy the snoopy if she even said that she wanted it.... but no no, she just had to get the macdonald's snoopy, which was so much smaller and uglier.... The other one was to a guy who actually came back and asked me whether I was doing this for charity.... I said no, and he walked off.....

Holidays don't look that cheery after all.... and what the hack.... its supposed to be Christmas....

Note to self: If I ever have to choose between outdoor sales and hawker center cleaner, take the latter....

Don't think.... Shouldn't be that bad....

2004-12-13T22:28:00.000+08:00

I've always disliked those ppl who peddle their wares around hawker centers and stuff... they come in all shapes and sizes.... from the handicapped person, to the monk.... Whether or not I buy from them would depend on my mood that day.... But now things are gonna change....

I'm gonna be one of them....

Damn Snoopy! I hate Snoopy! Why did I even take up this job? Selling snoopy soft toys at $6.90 each.... If there weren't any sales target that I have to reach, I think i'd like it so much more.... but I've gotta sell 140 of them in 10 days..... damn! How am I gonna do it? Not to mention I have to thicken my skin, and approach absolute strangers, who most probably will reject me.... like 99.99 % of the time..... arghh.... And I already hate flag day..... this is like far worse than flag day! At least flag day I'm doing it for some charity, and don't have to achieve some target.... HELP!!!! As they say, "time and the hour flies through the darkest day" (Macbeth i think)

Don't think, Ivan, Don't think....

At least it would be better than rotting at home.....

I hope....

Ya right....

I LOST!!!!

2004-12-12T18:15:00.000+08:00

ARGHH!!! I actually lost today at the competition!!! ok lah.... came in second.... I should be happy rite? haha... damn... Was so close to beating that bugger in the finals for the 1st prize.... I was actually leading until the last lap, when, much to my horror, I 'langaed' into some stupid car, which was hogging the road.... He zipped by me, and I never managed to recover from that.... crap... But anyway, what in the world is a rich punk like him, who owns an STI (WRX STI) doing taking part in this competition? Spoil market.... he's rich enough liao... don't need the prize... gimme it!!!! *pengz* Summore, he's in some EA games clan or something.... yeowch.... and he actually practised for the competition.... Not to forget that he is also in come REX club or something, supposedly into street racing or something.... real life...

Anyway, the 2nd prize sux.... some voucher and a ps2 game.... wow! As if I have a ps2.... gimme something more useful for cryin out loud! I don't mind a new wallet, watch, i dunno... whatever.... In fact, I think i'd rather have a food voucher =) haha... But the food had betta be good....

I also feel a little bad today, as I had to trash my friend to get into the finals... Somehow, we were matched together in the very first match of the day.... what the.... Its amazing how life turns out eh.... crap... So, it was either him or me, and I knew he wouldn't have stood a chance against the competition, so I had to win him.... no hard feelings pal.... though its true that I almost lost to him.... was not really concentrating...

Anyway, anyone wanna buy a ps2 game? No idea what title it is.... Cheap Cheap though =)

Finally! Chapter 5!

2004-12-11T20:36:00.000+08:00

I never thought I'd be reading some chinese book..... I'm still rather amazed at myself.... I guess credit has to go to px for recommending such a interesting book.... haha.... Anyway, another quote from the book, where the guy, once again shows his skill at charm....

　　"嗯。你肚子饿了吧？我去你那里煮碗面给你吃。"

　　"我才刚落榜，你还忍心煮面给我吃吗？"

　　"你说什么！"明菁敲了一下我的头。

　　"刚落榜的心情是沉痛的，可是吃你煮的面是件非常兴奋的事。

　　我怕我的心脏无法负荷这种情绪转折。"

　　我摸了摸被敲痛的头。

　　"过儿，你转得很快。不简单，你是高手。"

Anyway, I'm into the next round of NFS liao.... woohoo! Tomolo gotta go back there to compete in the finals.... (how many finals do they have siah.... i was told today was the finals....) I bet that I'll just be going there to kenna trash though..... there was this really pro guy there that trashed my friend today.... arghh.... how am I supposed to win him, when I have only played the game 3 times, inclusive of today? That NFS freak knows everything about the maps, and how to take the corners and such.... ouch.... 一山比一山高... i hope i said it correct.... I mean, he even wore an NFS t-shirt there! FREAK ALERT!!! I think i'll need all the luck I can get..... wahhaa.... What's the point of going all the way there just to suffer the humiliation of getting pwned (gamer's term for trashed or something apparently) totally? At least the fact that I won today, shows that my class 3 driving license is not just for show.... though after yesterday's incident, i'm not too sure anymore.... In fact, I think it affected the way I played the game today... was relatively safe.... didn't crash into the curb so often as i did in the past 2 times... But i did crash into a few other cars.... wahhaaa.....

To be grounded?

2004-12-11T02:25:00.000+08:00

Borrowed to car today, to go to mk's place to watch the incredibles... had a great time there... and incredibles is a real nice show.... damn funny, and touching too... However, my visit to his place would not be the highlight of the day....

At 1am, we decided to go to Fong Seng for kopi.... As I was driving my dad's car, and as my fav saying goes, "All roads lead to Kachakawan" (south buona vista road, the very windy one), I made a 'detour' there along the way, though it was like quite inconvenient from his house.... Just had to have some fun u know... It was raining, and the roads were all wet, and so I think you know what to expect.... haha.... And Lynn just recently got into an accident by riding her bike on the wet road.... sounds like some sort of dejavour... Anyway, so back to my story, mk was chasing me with his car, and I was leading the way... And maybe I wasn't in my right state of mind, but I was basically taking the bends at speeds I normally do when the road is dry.... extrapolate and tada.... you got it!

Nothing happened....

Haha... so, after successfully clearing KCKW, we made our way to Fong Seng, and along the way, going by Haw Par Villa, where there are 2 consecutive turns, right, then left, I decided to push my luck....

I went into the corner at around the speed i usually do in the dry, again, maybe a bit faster, and the car skidded, as expected.

Though a bit too much, this time into the curb. I could feel it coming, the line was all wrong.... my mind was screaming.... "Oh shit.... oh shit.... this can't be happening"...

Next thing I know, I feel a sudden jerk, with a damn loud thud.... "F*ck"..... The first turn I could see, I just turned into it, to check on the car... Fortunately for me.... it looks alright... At first glance.... The rims were scratched all round, the tires had cement stains or wat not, quite white... Thank goodness it doesn't seem too severe.... However, on closer inspection, I realised that my left tire now had a positive camber.... if you know what that means... woohoo! so "tiong".... As if my car doesn't turn badly enough already.... I'm screwed.... my dad will surely find out about this.... and i'm not going to try and hide it... just going to say that I bumped into the curb.... not including the additional info that I was taking a 90 degree bend at around 70++ km/h per hour.... haha.... damn.... But what the hack, its my first accident! It calls for a celebration! So, mk and I now officially had a reason to go drink teh-ping.... wow.... "how life turns out"... as the condo advert puts it... Anyway, after the drink, I did some test on my car -- damage assessment... Now there's an extremely slight rubbing / grinding sound every now and then, increasing with speed.... crap... and when I took a right bend at close to the limit, I realised that the car doesn't seem to turn as well as before... I bet its due to that positive camber.... (just FYI, people usually do negative camber -- the tilting of the tires outward, such that the bottom is further out -- to make their car turn better.... I don't think anyone does positive cambers, the opposite)

I just might be grounded, not allowed to borrow the car.... in fact, very likely will I be grounded.... haha.... crap.... Doesn't matter... I still have my trusty ez-link card, since I'll have to take the MRT and bus more often... Qimin/Jac/Px, if you're reading this, I guess I wouldn't be able to go eat supper with u ppl anymore.... haha....

残念ですね…　
車を借りることができないから…

Someone! Throw some rotten tomatoes!

2004-12-10T11:39:00.000+08:00

Arghh.... This drilling that i'm hearing now has been accompanying me for the past few weeks... Everyday without fail, at around 8:30am, this earsplitting noise will greet my ears, and interrupt my beautiful sleep... I used to be able to sleep till at least 12pm, now I have trouble hitting 10am, and i'm greeted by bloodshot eyes when I wash up...

Crap.... what's the BIG deal with HDB upgrading anyway? I mean they haved lived there for ages past, I seriously don't think they'll need 3 more lifts per block! It insane! Immensely more than what any decent condominium would have! And there they are trying to encourage people to exercise more in their daily lives --> In an advert, Zoe Tay is about to press the lift button when she decides against it, and uses the stairs... And when people actually have to use the stairs, they decide to use tax payers money to build lifts at every floor, to "improve the standard of living" they say.... my foot... Its just an *cough* election *cough* ploy... did i say that? Don't think I'm thinking too straight today... damn.... hope PAP doesn't come after me for this...

Anyway, I seriously hope one of them Chinese Scholars in NUS science fac will come out with some sorta silent drilling tool or something.... I mean, since they come to NUS and spoil market, making As so much more difficult to get, the least they should do is to help us out a little here! We are basically giving them our cap, filling up the numbers at the bottom of the bell curve, so that they can get their A and A+, 1st class honours and what not.... Put some of those grey cells to good use man!

Finally! I think its lunch time! haha... the drilling suddenly stopped.... Thank god for lunch.... =) Gotta go where my stomach leads!

A short poem....

2004-12-09T22:53:00.000+08:00

The Crowd - by -Emptiness-

People abound,
Lost in thought,
Walking around,
Doing their lot.

Like books unturned,
Stories untold,
Hiding secrets,
Sorrows, regrets.

Friends or foe,
To each his own,
Helpless to aid,
That is our fate.

People abound,
Lost in thought,
Walking around,
Ends in naught.

Just something I came out with during my trip to Plaza Sing earlier... Was feeling in the poetic mood -- depressed... Maybe its cause I was playing Winter Sonata music earlier before I left... wahhhaa... but music sure has a way of affecting my mood...

Anyway, what is it with us as people, not willing to let others know about who we are seeing? Strange eh... I was with my friend earlier at orchard, and we bumped into someone my friend knew, and that guy was with a gal, holding hands. Once they saw us, guy immediately let go of the gal's hand... interesting enough... haha... So much for making the gal feel some sense of security... The guy was willing to just 'dump' her to protect his image... wahhhaaa... Hope i don't do the same next time... But this shows that Singapore is still rather conservative, contrary to what others believe... don't fall for those stories of NUS hall orgies.... I don't think they happen, and if they do, i'm sure its just a minority...

Singapore really does need a night life... Other than clubbing, and pubbing. Shops should stay open till later! at least 11:00pm! I can't stand it... close at 9:30... so early! And there we are, trying desperately to find a gift wrapper for a present, and nonono.... the stalls all close! Fortunately, we managed to find a wrapper still.... haha.... as the saying goes...

船到桥头自然直。

Oh, and I noticed that Carrefour likes to stack their stuff high up, so high that people who are vertically deficient have trouble reaching for the stuff at the top shelf.... So much for user friendliness... Furthermore, they have no signboard for the different categories, like NTUC has, only signs directly above the shelf... Maybe this is a little hard to understand, you've gotta see it for yourself...

I'm bad.... Wahhaaa!!!

2004-12-09T11:30:00.000+08:00

Lemme see, my plan for today: 8:30am, wake up, 8:50am, meet Mk, 9:15am reach woodlands to go johor and buy not so legal stuff, check out car workshop (not my idea), and eat FOOD!!! However....Ermmm..... The fact that i'm still at home now shows something.... I pang sei-ed them! wahhh! Couldn't wake up.... as usual... haha... I guess you can't have a holiday where you sleep less than 8 hours a day.... Its just to tiring to force myself to wake up... Gomenasai! I'm so sorrie! haha.... (so hypocritical eh, if i really was that sorrie, i'll have forced myself to wake up, or wouldn't have slept at 3am editing my template... waahhhhaaa) And now, due to this miscalculation on my part, I'm once again stuck at home, with nothing to do.... HELP!!!! Save me!!!

Fortunately for me, i've got something on this evening.... haha.... won't be so bored after all... maybe i'll just waste my time away drawing or something till evening.... takes some skill to do that though.... drawing can be so stressful, when you just can't get it right...

Oh yes, about the dental free checkup i'm going to try to make an arrangement for.... I really have to commend Colgate on coming up with such ingenious marketting ideas.... well done! But I need more than just a checkup..... I need bracers!!! But from what the dentist told me when I was in sec 2, I've gotta pull out two teeth just for a straight neat set of teeth.... goodness.... Is it really worth it? Nah.... i doubt so.... I love my teeth.... Its a mutually beneficial, deep relationship that we share here... I take good care of them, they take good care of me..... I reckon I need them more than they need me.... Without them, I don't think life will have any other meaning.....

Anyway, time for me to eat lunch, an intimate moment... just my teeth, me and my food.... =) Food food food -> ~My Life!~ haha....

A Difference!

2004-12-08T21:14:00.000+08:00

I'm so happy! I actually went out today! Currently at Mk's place surfing the net! haha... what else is there to do? Surfing the net is the best way to just waste time.... =)

Went to Kel's house today with Vic and Mk... had a hard to getting into the condo though... Talk about security... We were like stuck outside the condo (Harbour something, can't remember, forgive me, short term memory as usual), as the gate had to be opened from within, and Kel was slacking as usual... perhaps too engrossed in his game... gaming freak... Anyway, even the lift is like the PGP lift... you have to enter some sorta code just to make the damn thing open up... And what's more, there is no sheltered walkway from the carpark to the lift lobby, though the carpark is right underneath the condo... What kinda condo is this? Goodness... the first of its kind i've seen so far... Congrats to whichever idiot who came up with such a 'fantastic' design. However, the apartment itself is very nice... Small and cosy, with the homely feel to it... Very nicely renovated too... apparently they splurged about a 100k renovating the place... Wow! The best part of it, is that it is a techie's paradise... Unlimited broadband, hub, 2, or issit 3 computers, one of which is top of the line, with a graphics card that cost 400 bucks (Kel said that it was not too expensive)... Sounds like my kind of heaven... However, it came at a price... I learnt the hard way that Ice-cream and cold pepsi is a deadly combination, especially when you have just recovered from a cold that lasted an entire week... People just gotta learn the hard way eh... haha... Anyway, did some constructive stuff on my blog at his house, with Px's help (perfect timing gal =) ), and hence, my blog is now the way it is =)... I guess this is what you can call fate... I reckon it is not too nice to be doing blogs at other people's house, espeically when it is editing the template, but considering that there are 4 of us in total, i guess my absense wasn't really felt...

Anyway, apart from the constant coughing I have now, such that I can't even speak in complete sentences, which brings back memories of my pneumonia days, all is fine and dandy... And what is it with siblings? Aren't they supposed to be quite close to you? However, in many cases, I can feel the trememdous love they have for one another, shouting at each other... We supposed to be civilized people, and they say that blood is thicker than water...

Just gotta call from PS2 gaming competition staff.... haha... i'm in the finals... wow.... as if i can actually win the competition, which if i'm not wrong has a prize money of 1 grand... its a 1/64 chance of winning, ceteris paribus. Furthermore, the game is NFSU2 (some illegal car racing game), which I have close to zilch experience in, considering the fact that I don't even own a PS2, and only played the game once... First time lucky? Who knows... Guys are supposed to be talented at driving, or so I usually say... Time to put my words in action... Talk is cheap... But one thing's for sure, i won't be bored come this saturday, at 2pm.... WOOHOO!!! finally... something's happening... one day's worth of activities settled... another 20++ more to go... Anyone who happens to be around Far East Plaza, (or is it shopping center? I can never get it right. Its on the same stretch, or next to Scotts shopping center) feel free to come see me trash (or get trashed) by other pre-pubescent kids, who are all still living in their fantasies of fast cars and hot babes.... (Usually, these just don't go together in real life, the only exception being motorshows =) )

Going for supper later... =) fantastic... especially when Teh-Ping is out of the question... How am I supposed to go for a kopi session when I am too sick to drink another cup of teh-ping? Its like putting a bunch of car keys in front of you, and not allowing you to use the car... or better still, a sizzling plate of Hotplate Beancurd (Tie Ban Dou Fu), and expect you not to salivate... Pure Agony.... Arghhh.... Better not think about it soon... perhaps I should just go stuff myself with water now, so that I won't even want to touch any cold drinks later =)

This guy's a pro

2004-12-08T07:18:00.000+08:00

Supposedly, this guy doesn't have a girl friend... What a joke... With his skills, I'm amazed he's still single!
　　
"我以前觉得，认识美女就跟碰到鬼一样，都是身边的朋友，或是朋友

　　的朋友会发生的事，不可能会发生在自己身上。"

　　"那现在呢？"

　　"现在不同啊。因为我已经认识美女了，所以当然也有可能会碰到鬼。"

　　"你认识哪个美女？"

　　我先看看天上的星星，再摸摸左边的树，踢踢地上的石头。

　　然后停下脚步，右转身面对明菁。

　　"你。"

Its the perfect pick up phrase! Indirect till the very end... haha... 5 stars!

My Ramblings

2004-12-08T07:17:00.000+08:00

I've decided that I've gotta seperate my nonsense from the rest of my blogs, so, here it is... one special page just for nonsense... =)